Page 33 of Love Harder

I was fighting a losing battle but it didn’t make a difference, he was worth it to me.

Switzerland’s response to the letter was mixed.

I left it on his doorstep with a gift I had bought. I didn’t want to be there when he read the letter because I knew what his response would be.

He sent me a text early the following morning thanking me for the gift. He asked when a good time to call would be.

Um, never…

But he called because Switzerland wasn’t a coward. He never ran away. He always stepped up to the plate, regardless of how tough things were.

Switzerland always preferred talking on the phone. While I prefer text. I guess with him being a musician and hearing the music, this may be why. And me, being an author, I speak better through written words.

I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to anyone more on the phone than Switzerland. Looking back, I actually miss it.

We spoke about the letter, and I told him this was on me. I knew what I had signed up for. He was caring and kind, not wanting to hurt me. He explained about his walls and why they were in place. He knew he was leaving and that’s why he didn’t get attached.

He wasn’t inconsiderate of my feelings. On the contrary. But he also made me feel a little the fool. Was I in denial this entire time together? Had I misread the times we shared?

Not what a romance author wants to hear, but it was the truth.

He could have ghosted me.

He could have made it weird.

But he didn’t.

In his usual manner, he laid it all out on the table. Although it wasn’t the response I wanted, it was better than no response at all.

I still didn’t know how he felt, and when I questioned him, he gave me an analogy in true Switzerland style.

It made me laugh.

But it also made me sad.

Switzerland was right boy, wrong time. And the reality of it was it would probably never be the right time for us because he made it clear that he was never coming back.

So what to do…

The sensible thing would be to end things then, but he was leaving in seven days. What more damage could be done in seven days?

A lot…

The next day was our shoot forLOVE HARD.

Back up a moment.

In case you hadn’t guessed, that boy on the cover is my Switzerland. I asked him to do the shoot with me because I didn’t want anyone else to do it. Even though we weren’t together, I would never look back at our pictures with regret.

Only happy memories to how he once made me feel.

It was about five billion degrees; the first hot day in forever. I got my hair and makeup done. I was excited to shoot with Switzerland. He made it clear he only was comfortable showing arms and hands. I was okay with whatever he was happy with.

Bunny called and asked if we could push the time out to later because it was too hot in the studio. It made sense.

But I knew Switzerland was on a tight schedule, organizing things before he left.

I asked if he could do later, and he said not really.

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