Page 31 of Cashmere Ruin

Then everything changed again, and I thought it was her fault.

It’s odd—for over a month, I’ve cursed this woman out in my nightmares, cursed the way she played me for a fool. The way I thought I’d letmyselfbe played for a fool.

But none of that was real.

“April…” She’s suddenly uncertain now that she’s speaking directly to me. “Can we talk?”

A month ago, I would have used a few choice words to answer that question. Mostly creative suggestions on where a hypothetical backstabbing bitch could put—or possibly shove—her desire to talkto me.

Now, I find myself nodding once.

Petra turns to Yuri. “Give us a moment?”

“Of course,” he says. “I’ll go check in with the guard detail.”

I watch in silence as Petra’s hand brushes the air above Yuri’s shoulder in an almost-touch. The way his voice softens in return. The way their eyes meet and don’t, as if afraid someone might see too much.

If I wasn’t holding a baby right now, I would smack myself right across the face. How in the hell could I have missed it? How could anyone have missed it?

When Yuri finally steps out, the tension becomes unbearable. It’s so thick, I could dice it into sashimi.

Then Petra starts talking.

11

APRIL

A few months ago, I started throwing up in the mornings.

I didn’t think anything of it then. Honestly, I figured it was just stress. With everything that was going on, how could I not be stressed?

I stopped eating breakfast. It didn’t solve a thing.

Then I started gaining weight.

It wasn’t anything outrageous, just a couple of pounds here and there, but it was weird. I was throwing up half my fluids every morning—how could I be gaining anything? Then again, maybe I was compensating. Maybe I was stress-eating too much during the rest of the day.

I tightened my belt. It didn’t solve a thing.

When I started missing my period, I thought for sure it must be stress. Because what else could it be? All my life, doctors told me it was unlikely I’d get pregnant. Back then, I thought it a blessing. What child could possibly want me as their mother? What child could possibly want the life I had to offer?

Even still, I made an OBGYN appointment.

This time, something came of it.

It was the day after the heist, bright and early. I was still shaken up by what I’d done to you, feeling queasy from my morning sickness and from shame. The shame of hurtingyou—my first friend.

That’s what you were to me, April: not just a friend, but thefirst. Lena and Julia are my knights, but you… you were the queen on the other side of the board. You had every reason to want to eat me whole.

Instead, you made a friend of me. You knew I was a killer and you didn’t care. You knew I wanted you gone and you didn’t fucking care.

How could I not think of you as a friend in return?

Yuri offered to take me to the appointment. I said no. I could take care of myself. It was probably nothing.

But then it wasn’t nothing.

Yuri… I never meant for that to happen, either. Forusto happen. With the alliance and the wedding plans and everything else our Bratvas had going on, the last thing I needed was a complication.

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