Page 71 of Mistle-Ho

“You just look bundled up.” Maddie reaches out to adjust the fleece hiding Terri then situates her own barely-noticeable bundle. “What about me?”

“I can hardly tell you have a fat-ass hairless weirdo hidden under there.”

Maddie looks down. “You’re talking about the cat, right?”

“Did you just make a joke?” I stare at her, a little shocked. Maddie is almost as serious as I am. “Super prouda you.”

She perks up, giving me a smile. “Thanks.”

The lump on her chest lets out a raspy meow and I glance around, making sure no one is close enough to hear. Who would have thought some ass would dump their cat on the vet’s doorstep the same morning we decided my brother needed a pet? It was some sort of freaking kismet. “Come on, let’s get these girls inside.”

Maddie snorts as she follows me through the lot. “Gavin’s going to shit when he finds out Terri’s a chick.”

I peer down though the tiny gap at the top of the blanket. “And a loose one at that.”

“You don’t know she’s loose.” Maddie shifts around the bags in her hands. “They said iguanas lay eggs even if they haven’t gotten busy.”

“That’s too depressing to consider, so I’m going to choose to believe she got something out of this besides a full hysterectomy.”

“Who knew iguanas could get egg-bound?” Maddie opens the door to my building, holding it while I go in.

“I guess we do now.” I go straight to the elevator. “Not that it matters since she doesn’t have any of her lady parts anymore.”

As if Terri hadn’t already been through enough in her life, she had to undergo emergency surgery to take out not just the eggs, but everything else that went along with them. It was a long freaking day of sitting at the vet’s office, hoping they could save her.

The doors open and Maddie follows me in, pressing the button for my floor. “Are you sure we shouldn’t take her back to Gavin’s place?”

“She isn’t supposed to be alone. And Gavin’s televisions are great, but if I have to babysit a dinosaur, I’m going to do it in the comfort of my own home.”

“Good point.” Maddie leans back against the wall. “But what if Terri shits all over your apartment?”

“Terri is going to be sleeping her sedation off in the bathtub.” The vet said she probably wouldn’t move around much for the first twenty-four hours, and I’m really hoping he’s right. I like Gavin’s place, but it’s not nearly as appealing when he’s not there. “I’m more worried about Gillette there.”

Maddie pauses, dark brows lifting in consideration. “That’s actually not a bad name.”

“Right?” I widen my eyes. “Because she’s bald and Gillette makes razors.”

“Yeah. I got it.” Maddie shifts around when the cat meows again. “We might want to hurry. I think she’s about to go rogue.”

We pick up the pace, reaching the door to my apartment in record time. Maddie uses my keys to let us in, and the second the door’s closed, Gill drops free, shaking off as if being covered in a blanket was the most offensive thing that ever happened to her.

I point at her. “Don’t shit in my apartment.” I narrow my eyes. “I mean it. You better hold that crap in until the Instacart guy shows up with your litter box.”

Gill stares me down for a second, but finally meows, which I’m going to take as acquiescence.

Together, Maddie and I arrange some old towels into the tub and get the sleepy iguana settled in. I won’t be taking a shower anytime soon, but it’s worth being in my apartment so we can pile up on my couch with blankets and watch all the shit I have on DVR while we eat dinner.

As if she’s thinking the same thing, Maddie’s stomach growls.

“Agreed.” I flip off the light, leaving just the glow of the wax warmer illuminating the space. “Let’s order some food. I’m freaking starving.”

We place an order then collapse onto my couch to wait for the delivery guy to arrive.

Maddie curls up, resting her cheek against the back cushion. “Thank you.”

I snort. “Pretty sure I should be thanking you.” I grab the remote. “I won’t be offended if you decide to hang out with someone else the next time Leo goes out of town.”

“I actually had fun today.” Her nose wrinkles. “Outside of having to watch the vet try to manually unbind a lizard.”

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