He owed that to both of them.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Six weeks later, Grace could only think back on her reasoning to give this relationship a try on Xavier's terms and imagine she must have been completely blinded by sexual gratification, because whatever the hell was going on right now was nothing close to anything she wanted in her life.
Okay, so the sex was phenomenal, and Xavier took her to heights of satisfaction she hadn't believed could exist even within a kink relationship.
It would be true to say that, on a physical level, the two of them were so well matched it was hard to imagine things weren't perfect.
As a sadist, Xavier was the flawless foil for her own masochistic needs. He was diabolically clever and imaginative and never failed to come up with new ways to make her squirm.
On an emotional level, however, things couldn't be more different.
Grace had tried to be patient, telling herself it was still early days and they had barely had time to settle into any kind of routine on which to build.
But the truth was, the longer this farce continued, the further removed she felt from the budding relationship she'd felt so enthusiastic about in the beginning.
Tonight was a club night, and Grace had come in early, hoping that the ambience and the environment would help soothe her frayed nerves and tattered spirits.
She rarely drank when she knew she was going to scene. She preferred to keep a clear head and didn't want the pain she so craved to be blunted by the effects of alcohol. Besides, a good scene with a sadist usually did far more to satisfy and relax her than anything she might imbibe.
But tonight, she needed a drink…and didn't that say it all?
With a glass of wine in one hand, Grace adjusted the wristband that proclaimed to the world—as per club rules—that she'd been served one of her two-glass limit on alcohol, with the other. Then she made her way to a table which seated a couple of the other subs she had become friendly with during the past few months, happy for the opportunity to sit and chat.
"Hi, Gem, come and join us for a while," offered Serenity, wife of Master Baku, the Shibari expert.
Grace smiled back at the woman, who was just a few years her junior, but couldn't help the pang of jealousy she felt as her gaze was inevitably caught by the slight, telltale swell of her tummy.
"Thank you, Serenity," Grace accepted. The name suited her, the woman really was calm and serene by nature. Exactly what Grace needed right now.
"Oh dear, you really don't look very enthusiastic tonight. Is everything alright?"
Next to her, Trinity, was on a rare break. "How are things between you and Master X? I heard you'd agreed to a 24/7 relationship with him." The tiny pixie-like woman looked around expectantly. "Although I don't see him anywhere."
"I arrived early," Grace confirmed. "I thought the atmosphere here at the club would help settle me."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Trinity said contritely, raising her hands in supplication. "I'm obviously mistaken about the M/s relationship. I do apologise," she said sincerely.
Grace waved the apology away. "No, you heard right, but we certainly don't live in each other's pockets."
"Master X and Gem have a remote 24/7 relationship," Serenity offered by way of an explanation, flicking her deep titian hair back across her shoulder.
Trinity frowned. "Oh, yes, I remember now. He did something similar with Fluff for a little while. How do you make that work, exactly?" she asked, tilting her head full of spikey, poppy red hair to one side.
"With more damn patience and skill than I obviously have!" Grace couldn't help retorting as she took an unladylike slug of her wine before slamming the glass forcefully back onto the table.
The two other subs looked at her with matching sets of wide, startled eyes.
Grace sighed. "Sorry, I guess I'm a little more uptight than I thought."
"I take it things aren't going so well?" Serenity asked tentatively, giving Grace an encouraging smile. I'm always here if you need to talk, you know."
"Me too," Trinity chipped in. "And believe me, Serenity and I both know, first-hand, just how difficult relationships can be. Especially new ones."
"Thanks." Grace smiled at the genuine care she felt from the other women. "But I didn't come here to bring everyone else down with my woes." She exhaled audibly as she blotted at the sloshed wine with a paper napkin.
"On the contrary Gem, getting everything off your chest and getting another opinion on whatever is going on can be a great help in allowing you to see things with a fresh set of eyes. Sometimes that's all the help you need to enable you to see just what things need to change."