Page 6 of Echoes of Eternity

Silly thoughts, really, sparked by my encounter with a deity. Why should I crave change when my life was already mapped out? But the possibility of something beyond my existence tugged at me, like a whisper of freedom I couldn’t ignore.

Noboru’s expression softened and I was beginning to dislike the way it made me feel—as if I was worth his kindness. “Maybe there is,” he said quietly.

I faced forward once more, his gaze making me both curious and uncomfortable. The skin beneath my silk pebbled at his proximity. It felt disorienting, as if something was shifting just beyond my understanding.

Then, unexpectedly, a low, almost melodic purr rumbled from deep within him. Before I could react, his wings unfurled and enveloped me from behind, cocooning me in a gentle embrace. It was as though he was shielding me from the very pain he struggled to understand, his touch both soothing and bewildering. The warmth and protection of his wings made me question what exactly was unfolding between us.

“Noboru—”

“What is your name? So that I may address you correctly?”

My breath stuttered. Though his words are but mimicry, it was the way he said it that made me wrap my arms around myself in a feeble attempt at self-preservation.

“M-Matsui Kenzan.”

What was I doing? Did it really matter if he knew my name when my time was running out?

His strong arms turned me to face him and I found myself at his mercy. He cradled my face gently, and all my words caught in my throat.

“How can anyone want to harm such a flower?” he asked, his voice filled with genuine confusion and concern.

My lips trembled, my emotions a chaotic storm. What was he doing to me? How dare he awaken feelings when I was supposed to be beyond them, destined to be numb?

“You’d be surprised at what mortals are capable of,” I said, my tone almost bitter. “But I suppose deities like yourself don’t have to worry about such things.”

As his gaze continued to search mine, his eyes suddenly sharpened. They followed the movement of my neckline as it shifted slightly, revealing a faint bruise on my skin. His expression darkened, a mixture of anger and disbelief flickering across his features. I quickly pulled my neckline up, recovering my skin.

“Yet,” he whispered, his voice soft but urgent, “I never anticipated what you have awakened in me. I wascreated for one purpose, and these new emotions are so foreign to me. I don’t understand them, but I can’t ignore them.”

I stared at him, struggling to reconcile his words with the emotions they stirred. The situation was spiraling out of control, and I was caught between the fear of what this connection could mean and the irritation at being so profoundly affected by it.

“Perhaps our fates are woven together by forces beyond our understanding…” he continued.

I felt a pang of guilt at his words, my own emotions tangled in a knot of shame. Despite the emotional chasm that had grown between my husband and I—despite the loveless marriage that had become a cage—I had no right to entertain feelings for anyone else. The weight of my vows and the societal expectations pressed down on me, making me feel as though any hint of affection toward another was a betrayal, even if my marriage was devoid of warmth or compassion.

I looked away, unable to meet his gaze directly, the turmoil in my chest growing heavier. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, though I wasn’t entirely sure what I was apologizing for. “I can’t. We can’t. This… cannot be.”

Noboru’s grip on me loosened though his touch lingered. There was a shadow of sadness in his eyes, mingled with a deep, perplexed longing. He took a small step closer, his wings gently unfolding around us and returning behind him tightly as if to shield himself from my rejection.

He paused, his eyes searching mine with an earnestnessthat made my heart ache, before finally dropping his lingering hand. “I do not understand these feelings, nor the force that draws me to you. But I cannot simply turn away from something that feels so profound, even if it defies all reason.”

There could never be a place for genuine connection and understanding in a life marred by obligations and unspoken sorrows. My emotions surged like a tidal wave, drowning out his next words before they could reach my ears.

“I cannot proceed,” I blurted out, my voice trembling with a mix of anger and despair. I took a step back, putting the necessary distance between us. I couldn’t handle the electrical charge that seemed to run through my flesh, nor the way his eyes have shifted from his initial curiosity to something akin to a growing flame. “This—whatever this is—” I gestured, “is not what I asked for. You’ve stolen the one thing I needed—my chance to end my suffering on my own terms. And now I must return to the life I’ve fought so hard to escape.”

Noboru opened his mouth to respond, but I cut him off, unable to contain my rising desperation. “Do you not see? You’ve given me a glimpse of what I cannot have, and now I’m left with nothing but the cruel reality of my own existence.”

He tried to speak again, but I raised my hand, silencing him. “No, don’t. I don’t want to hear your reassurances or your insights. It’s too late for that.”

Was it wrong of me to place blame on him? Perhaps.But rationality had fled me completely with the rise of my confusion over what transpired here.

He attempted to interject once more, but I was already barreling ahead. “You don’t understand! It’s not just about living; it’s about having the choice to end the suffering when it becomes unbearable. Can you even comprehend what it means to go back now?”

“Matsui—”

Did he have to say my name with such reverence? The walls I had built around myself, fortified.

“What can you possibly offer me now? I’m already facing the return to a life I wished to leave behind. Any wisdom you offer now is meaningless. I needed that choice, that escape, and you took it from me!”

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