Page 116 of That One Heartbreak

“Can I put it in a different way to you?” Pres asked. “One that might actually get inside that thick skull of yours?”

“Sure, go ahead. Kill me with insults. They’re nothing I don’t deserve.”

“I’m not killing you with anything,” Pres told him, turning to look his brother dead in the eye. “I’m telling you somethingI feel deep in my fucking heart. As a father. A husband. A man who’d do anything for his family.” His voice was deadly serious. “If something happened to me, if I died…” He let out a low breath. “I’d want Cassie to find somebody else. Somebody good. Somebody I would have had beers with, in another life. Somebody who will love my kids and fight for them until his last fucking breath. I’d want her to find somebody like you.” Pres’ voice broke. “And that’s no word of a fucking lie.”

His brother was crying. And Marley could feel the tears stinging at his own eyes. He didn’t want them. He didn’t deserve them. So he wiped them away and stared back at his brother’s house, trying not to feel guilty about the fact he’d pulled his brother away from his wife to cheer up his miserable ass.

Not that it had worked.

“I didn’t know Paul like you did,” Pres continued. “But he was a good man. A family man. And I’m almost certain he would want the same thing I would. For his family to be loved. To be cherished. For them to be happy and taken care of. To have everything he would have given them if he was still alive.” Pres blew out a mouthful of air. “And I’m not saying you’re a replacement for him. Because you’re not. You’re you. But even if you don’t think you deserve happiness, don’t you think Kate does?”

“Of course she does.” Marley’s voice cracked again. That’s all he wanted. For her to be happy. To be safe. For the kids to have a good life.

“Then think on this,” Pres said. “If it’s not you she’s happy with, it’ll be somebody else. And you’ll be in this fucking small town, watching some other guy make her smile, make her laugh. Make her fall in love with him. Do you want that? Could you stand to live here and watch it happen in front of your eyes? Because I know for damn sure I couldn’t.”

Marley said nothing. Mostly because there was nothing he could say. Pres was right. Every single word he’d said was true. And each one of them felt like white hot pain searing through his body.

“You need to make your peace with the guilt,” Pres told him. “And you need to do it fast. Because a woman like Kate doesn’t come around very often.” Pres moved his body laterally, swinging until his shoulder came into contact with Marley’s. “And if you don’t fix things, you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your life. I guarantee it.”

Chapter

Thirty-One

He looked like shit.Not that he expected anything else after another sleepless night. Staring at his exhausted face in the mirror gave him a grim sense of satisfaction. Mostly because what he had to do this morning was the one thing he never wanted to do.

His house was silent as he showered and shaved, then got his clothes ready.

He ironed the shirt he hadn’t worn for a long time. Polished his shoes until he could see his face shining in the leather. Then pulled on the dress pants and jacket firefighters only wore for formal ceremonies and memorial services. It was ironic that the last time he’d worn this was for Paul’s funeral.

And now he was going to see his friend again.

The cemetery was quiet when he pulled his truck into the parking lot. There were a few people visiting graves, but no funeral services taking place. As he climbed out of the cab, the heat of the morning hit him square on the jaw.

But he wouldn’t take off his jacket or loosen his tie. This conversation needed full dress.

Paul’s headstone was just like the man. Plain and plain speaking. A white stone with the following engraved on it:

Paul Connelly. Beloved husband, father, and firefighter. Rest In Peace.

Marley’s eyes traced the dates on the grave. Paul had been in his forties when he died. It was no time at all. Certainly less time than Paul thought he had left on this earth.

He had no time to make any last requests. No time to put his things in order. No time to say goodbye to the people he loved the most.

In the blink of an eye, he ceased to exist.

Marley laid his hand on the cool stone. “I have no idea if you can hear me,” he said, his voice thick. “But if you can. I’m sorry. For everything. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry you don’t get to see your kids grow up. Your son…” He swallowed hard. “James. He’s a good kid. Becoming a man. Like his dad. And you’d be so damn proud of him. He’s at camp right now. Junior Firefighter Camp. Remember when he was little and you used to chase him around the yard? The kid can run it in about five seconds now.” A fleeting smile pulled at Marley’s lips. “And Ethan. He’s smart. So clued in. A little impulsive, maybe. You might have heard about his arm. I’m sorry about that. It’s my fault, it really is, but I’m gonna make sure he gets better. Somehow.”

A breeze ruffled through the trees, hitting his face, cooling it down. “And Addy. She was so tiny when you died. She’s six now. As beautiful as her mom. I get the feeling she’s gonna be a sassy one.”

He dropped to his knees, knowing the grass would stain his dress pants. But not caring at all. He needed to be face to face with Paul for the next part.

Or with his headstone, anyway.

“And Kate…” He shook his head. “I think you’d be the proudest of her. She’s so beautiful and strong and… of course, I’m biased. I’m in love with her. You know that. You always knew that. And I hope you know I never did anything about it. Even now, I’m fighting against it. Not because I don’t want her but because I do. Too much. And right now I don’t deserve her. I know that. But I want to deserve her. I wantyouto think I deserve her, too. Is that too much to ask?” He touched the stone again. “I’m sorry. Maybe it is.”

Another gust of wind lifted his hair. It felt almost like a human touch. And yeah, he knew it wasn’t Paul. He didn’t believe in ghosts. Hell, he wasn’t even sure why he was here.

It just felt necessary. Right.

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