Page 42 of Tempting Tessa

We are next to each other in bed, both quiet when he rolls to face me. “Can I just hold you tonight? I’ve missed you in my arms.”

“Yes, I’ve missed being wrapped in your arms,” I tell him as I lean in to kiss him tentatively. He deepens the kiss, pulling me flush with his body.

“Ignore it,” he says as my body comes into contact with his erection. “I just need to hold you, and know that I haven’t apologized enough to you to have that contact with you again. But I will show you that I can earn that trust back and be the man you need me to be.”

“Jake, you don’t have to keep apologizing to me. I get it, I really do. I need you to make love to me. I need that connection with you. That is what I need. I need slow, soul-searing love making with you.”

He flips me on my back and removes the tank top I had put on to sleep in, and quickly removes my shorts and panties. He drops his boxers and is on top of me before I’ve even realized it. He grabs both of my hands, lacing our fingers together, takes my lips with his and slowly pushes himself into me. Since we haven’t had sex in a few weeks, his first thrust brings a sting of pain but as he slowly finds our rhythm my body comes alive. He breaks our kiss but never eye contact. The intimacy between us at this moment is healing. I can feel the love between us and all the unsaid things passing through our bodies and our eyes as we make love to each other. This is us forgiving each other and healing each other. This is us finding our way through this painful world and learning to lean on each other the way we need to for us to have a future together.

The next few weeks are a constant rollercoaster of up and down emotions. I've been seeing my therapist a couple times a week and it’s been very helpful. Ty is back to being his normal fun self. I think he was feeding off the negative energy coming off Jake and me and that was causing him to act out. Jake is doing well. He’s down to seeing his doctors a couple times a week as well. The meds they put him on have been helping a lot. His nightmares have tapered off as have the night sweats that accompanied the nightmares. I’m hopeful he’s on the road back to the man I met almost a year ago.

Jake

PTSD is a bitch. I haven’t had a flare-up like I’ve been dealing with these past weeks in years. Usually, the nightmares would come back for a few days and then go away just as fast as they popped up. This time things got bad and I’m still kicking myself in the ass for how I treated Tessa during the worst of it. She didn’t deserve how I pulled away and I thank my luck stars that she didn’t give up on me. The day I had my breakdown and ended up at the VA hospital was a breaking point. It was either fall back into drinking myself away or get help. I knew I needed help, so I got it. I feel so much better, but know that at any moment things could change and something could trigger a relapse. I have promised her and myself that if I notice something is off I will not just brush it off, and I will get help for it ASAP. I can’t lose her and Ty. They are the best things I have going in my life. Yes, I have a successful business, but that doesn’t mean anything if I don’t have the love they give me and their brightness in my life.

Since that day, I have kind of taken a step back in how much I have been helping Tessa with Ty. I need to focus on my treatment and business is picking up again as we have started our large build for the summer. Trying to balance everything has been stressful and being stressed doesn’t help my symptoms. My dad has been coming into the office to help some to help me out as he knows the importance of my getting to my appointments with my therapists. I just need to get back to showing Tessa she can fully trust me and that I’m reliable. I fucked up that day, not letting her know I wasn’t going to be the one to get Ty. But what happened in the past is in the past and I’m ready to move on from that. I’m just trying to figure out how I can prove that to her. With my busy schedule, I can’t go back to picking up Ty from school. My goal is to start small and work my way up. So that starts tonight. I’m going to head home and let Teresa head home and I will get dinner done and spend time with Ty.

I get home and find Teresa outside with Ty. We have had an amazing spring and the weather is perfect for being outside.

“Hey, guys, I made it home early,” I call out to them as I walk out onto the deck.

“Jake!” Ty yells as he runs over to me, wrapping my legs in a hug.

“Hey, buddy, did you have a good day at school? And were you good for Grams?”

“Yes! We had our special guest come from the zoo! I got to touch a spider, a snake and a salamander.”

“Wow, that sounds like a fun day!” I tell him as we walk over to Teresa. “Hey, Teresa, how are you today?”

“I’m doing great. Ty’s been bouncing off the walls from his excitement from the zoo people coming to his class so we’ve been outside for the past hour or so letting him burn off his energy.”

“Sounds like we might need to plan a trip to the zoo for him soon.”

“I’m sure he would love that.”

“I was able to get off early and head home. I wanted to make dinner for Tessa and Ty. You haven’t started anything yet, have you? I figured this was a good starting point for me to prove to her I can be relied upon again. I know I messed up when I had my breakdown and I need to restore that.”

“I’m proud of you for getting the help you need, Jake. We’re all here for you and rooting for you to overcome everything that happened to you,” she tells me. “And you’re in luck, I hadn’t started anything. I noticed some defrosted burgers and stuff for grilling in the fridge but I didn’t start it.”

“Thank you for all your support. It really means a lot to me to have everyone behind me.”

“We see how much you and Tessa love each other and how much you love Ty. Seeing her love again, happy again, smiling again, is a real joy for us. She was so broken for so long after losing Matt that we were worried she would never allow herself to love again. She’s a strong, beautiful woman who deserves to live her life being loved by a man who will worship her the way you do. And as a mother, that is all I can ask of you. You make her happy and I think the two of you are meant to be together. I think she was right last year when she said it felt like Matt brought you to her when you guys found out about the kidney donation.”

“I love her so much, it hurts sometimes. I wish I could take all her pain away. She’s made me a better man and for that I will forever be grateful to her. You have my word that I will continue to love her in any and every way I can.”

We fall into a comfortable silence as we both watch Ty playing in his sandbox. Tessa will be off work soon, so I need to get the grill fired up.

“I think I’m going to head home if you have things here under control.”

“Yes, I do. I was just about to go turn on the grill and grab the food from the kitchen. Do you mind sticking around for 5 more minutes while I run inside to grab everything and use the bathroom?”

“Yep, not a problem.”

“Thanks, Teresa.”

I head inside to use the restroom and grab the food to grill. Grilling is one of our favorite meals for all of us, so we do it often. I get back outside and Teresa heads home. I watch Ty as I man the grill. He ends up bringing a football over for us to toss back and forth while we are waiting on the food to cook and for Tessa to get home. I haven’t heard from her all day, so I’m going to assume she was busy with lots of patients and new babies.

I am just pulling all the food off the grill when Tessa comes out the back door.

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