Page 41 of Tempting Tessa

“Will do. Thanks for letting me vent, Caroline.”

“Anytime, you know that.”

I head into the kitchen to grab a drink and head back out to the couch to wait for him to come into the house. When he finally comes in, he looks stressed and tired and like he’s broken. My heart just drops seeing him like this. I know I need to tread carefully but I also want to know what’s going on.

“Hey,” I say to him.

“Hey, babe, sorry I didn’t answer when you called. I’ve had a pretty shitty day.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really, but I know that isn’t fair to you. Can we talk after Ty is in bed?”

“Yes, I need to head up now anyways to get him in the shower. Have you eaten yet? My mom made dinner, but I haven’t eaten yet.”

“No, I haven’t. I can go warm it up for us while you’re dealing with Ty.”

“Thanks,” I tell him as I get up to go upstairs. As I pass by him, he snakes his arm around my waist, pulling me in for a hug.

“I’m so sorry if I worried you, babe. I’ll explain everything when you come back down,” he tells me as he kisses my cheek.

My mind is going 100 miles a minute thinking about all that could have happened today. I’m just glad that he’s going to actually talk to me and not shut me out like he has been the past few weeks. I get Ty through his shower and into bed. When I come back downstairs, Jake has heated up the food my mom made for us and is waiting for me at the table.

“Ty ok?” he asks me as I sit down next to him.

“Yes, he asked me if you were home yet. He said he missed spending time with you today.” I don’t think I will be able to eat until after we talk. I need to know that Jake is okay and that we are going to be okay.

“I missed him too,” he says on a sigh. “I’m so sorry for having to call your mom today but Tessa, I’m broken. I know you’ve tried to talk to me over the past few weeks about the nightmares and my attitude and other symptoms. And I’m so sorry for trying to push you out. I called this morning and made an appointment at the VA hospital for an emergency meeting with my counselors. My PTSD is rearing its ugly face and I realized this morning that I need to deal with it now before I lose the most important things in my life, you and Ty. I’ve not had anyone in my life while I have dealt with the PTSD in the past and at first I thought that I could just let it ride and it would stop. Unfortunately, it’s only getting worse and I’m not really sure why. Just another fucked up thing about PTSD and the shit I’ve been through in my life. But I did what needed to be done and I went to get help. I will be seeing the counselors daily for the next few weeks. They are going to put me back on some meds to hopefully get me over this episode sooner rather than later. I need you on my side and your help to get through this, baby.”

“I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of that. Of course, I’ll help you and do whatever I can to help you through it. I also have an appointment with my counselor this week to talk with her about my nightmares that have returned with it being the anniversary. Maybe she’ll have some suggestions on how I can help you as well. I love you, Jake, and will be here however you need me to be.”

“I love you, Tessa. More than anything in this world and I’ll do everything I can to prove that to you. I wish I could make all this pain go away for all of us, but I can’t. I can only do what I know helped in the past to get past it and move forward. I promise you that I will keep you in the loop as to what is going on with my treatment and where I’m at mentally.”

“That’s all I can ask you to do. And if you have to call my parents again, please also just let me know. I was so worried when I got home and hadn’t heard from you.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. And I didn’t think it would be so late before I got home tonight. I’ve been at the VA since right after lunch. But since they were squeezing me in as an emergency appointment, I had to be flexible and wait a lot between tests and appointments.”

“So, your daily appointments will just be with the counselor or therapists?” I ask him as I reach out to grab his hand and lace our fingers together.

“Yes, unless they need me to have any tests done. But since they did all that today, I shouldn’t have to have any more tests for a few months.”

“How long will you go daily?”

“For the next few weeks, unless we see an improvement sooner. Then I will drop down to a few times a week and gradually go down until I’m going once or twice a month.”

“That sounds like a good treatment plan. I really hope they can get you back to feeling normal. You have to promise me that you’ll tell me if something isn’t right,” I say as I squeeze his hand. I need him to know how serious I am about keeping the lines of communication open between the two of us when it comes to his mental health.

“I will, I promise. My therapist kind of got on my case today when I told her I was dating someone and had been pushing you out. She told me that doing that is one of the worst things I can do and that I need to learn to lean on you when I need help. She also told me I probably needed to come home groveling on my knees asking for your forgiveness.” He chuckles a little, and this warms me so much. Not having heard him laugh much in the past few weeks was bothersome and seeing him find the humor in his therapist telling him he needed to grovel is already a small improvement and gives me hope.

“Smart woman,” I reply back to him with a smile. “Just don’t forget that I love you and will do whatever I can to help you. You are important to Ty and me and we would be devastated without you in our lives.”

“I know, babe,” he tells me and then leans over to kiss me. It feels so good to have his lips on mine. Since he’s been pushing me away the past few weeks, he also hasn’t been very affectionate with me. I miss the intimacy between the two of us.

“I’ve missed you,” I tell him. “Missed this.” I stand up to move so I can sit on his lap. “I need this contact between the two of us.”

He hugs me tight and kisses my neck. “I’m so sorry,” he says into my neck.

We sit like that for a while. I have no idea how much time has passed, but I finally move back to my chair so that we can both eat. Our food is now cold but neither of us care as we’re starving. Once we’re done and have cleaned up, we head upstairs to get ready for bed.

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