Page 38 of It's Holy Matrimony, Baby

“N-no,” I tell her. “I don’t. He’s a nice guy, but I’m not going to... you know.”

“You really do like him then.”

“Hormones, Liv.” I snap my fingers. “Chemicals. Pheromones. Reproduction. All markers of attraction.”

“That’s not the point and you know it.” She chuckles. “Go find the guy. Kiss and make up. I promise it will be worth it. Makeup sex is some of the best sex you can have.”

“I don’t want to kiss and make up, Liv. And I don’t want to have makeup sex. I want a divorce.” She keeps saying match-makey things, pushing the idea of me and Nox like it’s part of her agenda. “This thing you imagine is between me and him, isn’t. There’s nothing here but frustration and a waste of time.”

“Right. Which is why it’s neck and neck with the longest relationship you’ve ever had. Do you realize it’s the third longest relationship anyone in your family has had since your great grandma?”

“Only one of those three made it to two years,” I remind her.

“Because of the curse?”

“No.” Yes. Maybe. Curses aren’t any more real than karma, but that’s not completely comforting. There are plenty of examples of karma biting people in the butt. Even if they’re purely anecdotal. I touch the top of my head gingerly. I have the scars to prove it.

“I don’t blame you for believing in it, Beck. Not after what happened with Dash’s wife. What happened to you. It’s not every day people get hit by a truck like that. But it’s circumstantial. It’s not real.”

“I know that,” I whisper, rubbing my hand over my heart. I have to clear my throat to force the words past the heaviness in my chest. “I do know that.” Only it feels so real. All my life I’ve listened to my grandmother and my mother talk about the McClain curse like it’s a living breathing entity. The logical part of my brain knows it’s not real, like it knows that scientifically love is an amalgamation of chemicals that could be replicated without ever having to go down the path of boy meets girl, girl loses boy. Loses herself.

“You have to stop using it as an excuse to keep from getting close to people.”

“That’s not why...”

“You have to let it go at some point. You gotta get back up and carry on. I hate to tell you, Beck, but I don’t think you made a mistake with this guy. I think you married him and didn’t do anything about it for so long for a reason. Maybe that’s because you felt something for him, or maybe that’s because deep down you could tell he was a fighter. And you need that. You need someone who will fight for you and with you.”

“He’s not fighting with me,” I tell her. “He walked out. Hours ago.”

“You turned his world upside down without even warning him,” she says. “You’re pushing him as hard as you can, Beck. Maybe cut him some slack for walking out and giving you both time to regroup.”

I glance around the living space, which definitely was homier before I vandalized it. Part of me wants her to be right. Nox makes me want things that I didn’t believe I’d ever want. Like a permanent address, and someone to share my evenings with. Things I’ve been too scared to imagine having. But with Nox they’re almost normal. I could get used to them. But what happens when it ends? “I need to go find him.”

“Do you have any idea where he might have gone?”

“I don’t.” If it was me I’d probably be at a bar somewhere with Liv. That’s what we were doing in Vegas. Drowning our shitty week with booze. “I might have an idea where to start. I need to call an Uber.”

Twenty minutes later, I lean over the bar at Mayhem and yell to Lou over the noise of the band, “Have you seen Nox?”

She doesn’t smile as she narrows her gaze on me and points at the far corner of the room. I twist around, catching sight of him. He’s at a table with two other men. One is the guy he was with the day we ran into each other again. The other I don’t know, but when he looks up and catches me staring, he has the same blue eyes as Nox. Brothers. That makes three brothers. And Lou? I glance at her and bet my last days of freedom that she’s his sister. And evidently, she knows how badly I’ve behaved, which is why she’s not as friendly as she was the first time we met.

The one who caught my eye bumps Nox with his elbow and leans in to say something. My pulse kicks up and my mouth dries out. Nox slouches back in his chair, one arm resting on the back as he focuses on me. All three sets of blue eyes stare at me, but his are more piercing, forceful in the way they hold my gaze. My hands are clammy and shaking as though I’m under a spotlight. He might still want to strangle me. “I need a drink.”

“Sure thing,” Lou says while the two men get up and move to the other end of the bar.

“Something strong.”

“I’ve got the perfect thing.” She selects a glass and shovels ice cubes into it while my attention drifts back to Nox. He’s waiting for me.

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