Page 55 of Grave Matter

It’s a little like lovesickness. I’m not in love with Kincaid, but there is a flickering there, buried deep inside, that wants to spark. It wants to become a fire to ravage me whole. I am prone to falling fast and hard and then either falling out of love when I’ve grown bored or tossed to the side because they’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I amtoo much, and that’s something I can’t hide forever. I know that given half the chance,I could fall hard for Kincaid too, but one would think I’d learn from my mistakes, especially so soon after I’ve made them.

So while I’ve wanted to see him, talk to him privately, it’s for the best that I haven’t.

It’s dangerous when you get what you want.

The weather has also helped the time blur. It’s been so foggy that some days, you can’t see more than a few feet in front of you. Because of that, all the days just sort of roll into one when you don’t see the sun.

Today is no exception. All the lights inside the lab are blazing because the fog envelops the building, the tinted windows making it look like twilight.

I turn my attention back to Everly. She looks gorgeous, as usual, even in her lab coat. Though I now realize she’s wearing it for appearances since this isn’t the real lab.

She flicks her long blonde hair off her shoulder with graceful fingers and starts talking about how hyphae and fungi can possess a form of consciousness and how Madrona has sharpened their study on finding out if this use of consciousness can be helpful in tailoring specific medications usingAmanita excandesco.

“The bigger question we are looking at right now,” she says, pacing back and forth, “isifindividual hyphae are conscious, what happens when an interconnected colony of thousands of these individual cells comes together? Does it become a hive mind, for lack of a better word? Or do they retain their independence? If we can separate the hyphae, can we ask them to do individual things, targeting different neurons?”

Munawar taps me on the shoulder, and I turn in my seat to face him. “This is way more interesting than any of the lectures Nick gives us,” he whispers. He’s wearing his shirt of the day. This one saysM.I.L.F., with the subtitle underneathMan, I Love Fungi.

“I feel like I’ve learned more in the last ten minutes than I have the last few weeks.” His eyes dance. “Of course, Professor Kincaid is compelling too, am I right?”

I turn back around and roll my eyes. I don’t like that smug look on his face and what he’s insinuating.

Everly talks for a little longer and then passes out some slides with some organic matter for us to use in our microscopes. I can’t help but think about what Clayton said, that this is busywork. Still, the organic matter turns out to be hyphae fromexcandescoitself, so it’s nice to get a closer look at the infamous fungus.

Eventually, the hour is over, and Everly dismisses us. I’m walking toward the door with Lauren, Rav, and Munawar when Everly says, “Sydney, can I have a word with you?”

“Ooooh,” Munawar teases. “Someone is in trouble.”

“She’s not,” Everly says with a smile. “But you will be if you don’t scoot along.” She makes a shooing motion with her elegant fingers.

The look on his face is priceless before he practically runs out of the room, Lauren laughing after him.

I stare at her expectantly. She said I’m not in trouble, and yet my palms feel clammy. I want Everly to like me, but at the same time, even though she’s been nothing but understanding and kind, she makes me nervous.

“What can I do you for?” I joke in a bumpkin accent.

“Just wanted to see how you’re feeling,” she says. “How are your arms? Any vaccine side effects?”

I’ve had to get two more rabies shots since the initial one, rotating arms as we go. “Both are sore now.”

She nods. “We’re almost done.” Her eyes coast over my body and face, appraising me. “And how are you mentally? I feel I need to check in.”

“You don’t trust Kincaid to do that?”

Her smile is tight in response. “Wes is not here as a friend. But I am. I worry about you, Syd, my star pupil.” She reaches out and ruffles the top of my head like I’m a dog.

I laugh awkwardly, moving my head out of the way. I smooth down my hair, trying not to show my annoyance. “Yeah, right, star pupil. We haven’t even had any testing done yet.”

“You know we don’t test you here. If you made it this far, you’ve passed. All this time is for you to concentrate on your capstone project.” At the mention of my capstone, my stomach turns. She gives me a sympathetic look. “But of course, you don’t have to do one anymore, do you? So tell me, Syd, what are your plans, then, while you’re here? I’m letting you stay, but you still need a focus, a purpose. You need to contributesomethingto Madrona.”

“My existence isn’t enough?” I joke.

“You would think,” she says dryly. “No, you’re too brilliant to hold anything back from us.”

I really wish she would stop saying that because I know I’m not. I fold my arms across my chest. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Are you ever not honest?” she says with a wink.

“If I’m so brilliant, if everyone here is brilliant, then why are we doing basic busywork in the lab? Why not integrate us into the real lab and see how Madrona really works? You made us sign NDAs. If you’re worried we might see something we’re not supposed to?—”

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