Page 132 of Grave Matter

But I had just had my scholarship fall through because of Professor Edwards. I purposely reined in any attraction I had to Wes. He was another older professor, and I had been so thoroughly burned. And Everly latched on to me instead. I bonded to her first.

As the months went by and I found my footing in Madrona, it was only then that I started to let my guard down around Wes.

He wasn’t my psychologist the first time around. There had been no mandatory counseling then. But he was my teacher. I was around him a lot, in the classroom and outside of it.

We grew closer. I found him attractive, of course I did. How could I not? Wes was a neurosurgeon. The man oozed sex and competence. And even then, I had an inkling that underneath his steely, composed exterior, there was an animal waiting to be let loose. There usually is.

I remember our first kiss. He’d invited me to go whale watching with him, just the two of us. We saw a pod of transient orcas within meters of the boat. We turned off the engine, as per the law, not wanting to get too close or to accidentally strike them. Too many whales die needlessly because of boats getting too close. But even then, with us just drifting on the big swells off the coast, the orcas swam right past us. It was the most thrilling thing I’d ever seen, and I guess adrenaline caused me to do it because I leaned in and kissed Wes on the cheek, so grateful that he took me out to see them.

Then he kissed me on the lips, kissed me for real.

After that, I was smitten with him.

I fell head over heels and fast.

We kept it a secret at first. I would sneak out of my room and go to the boat. Sometimes we would meet in the office. Sometimes in the gazebo after dark, where he scratched our initials underneath the picnic table so no one would see it.

I fell in love with Wes with my arms spread wide in a freefall.

I didn’t hold back.

He didn’t hold back either.

I even talked to his parents on the phone. Moira and Ross Kincaid. They lived in Vancouver at the time, in a beautiful estate overlooking Howe Sound that Wes had bought for them. They told me to visit whenever I got a chance to leave the lodge.

They sent me Christmas presents.

I sent them Zoom calls.

I never got a chance to leave the lodge.

And then, the more I fell in love with Wes, and the more he fell in love with me, the more that Everly grew cold.

She became jealous. Possessive. It didn’t matter that she was married to Michael—she wanted my attention, and she wanted Wes’ attention, and neither of us would give her what she needed.

She started to turn me against him.

She manipulated me, and I was so gullible I fell for it.

She told me I’d never make it as a researcher if I was so wrapped up in Wes. I needed all my focus to be on the fungi, on the science. I was reminded that my relationship was against the rules, something she seemed to make up on the spot, and she was adamant about making an example out of me.

She broke us apart because I was too weak, too fixated on the wrong things. I followed the rules while Wes said he would gladly quit his job so long as I was by his side.

I wanted love.

I wanted his love.

But I also wanted fame, significance, admiration.

I lost my way.

I lost Wes.

And in the end, I found just how far I would go to make my mark on the world.

CHAPTER 31

Now,I’m being carried by two people who I once trusted through a raging storm, toward a lab where I’ll surely be killed again.

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