Page 120 of What if I Told You

What if it’s August and he doesn’t want to see me?

Do I want to see him though?

Am I ready for him to be home?

What will he say to me?

Will he be mad that I’m still here?

Will he be expecting me not to be here?

Does he expect me to move out as soon as today?

Maybe not bothering him is best.

He did say he didn’t want to look at me ever again

I go back to scrolling through rentals, reminding myself that I do have a few possibilities saved so that if August yells at me to move out I can at least tell him I’m looking. I click on the next listing for a studio apartment with an open floor plan as there’s movement outside my bedroom door.

My heart races and my mouth goes dry as the doorknob turns and the door opens just a bit. Nobody speaks and I can’t take it anymore so I nervously say, “Hello?”

August doesn’t push the door open, nor does he walk through the doorway. But what does come through makes me gasp, smile, and want to jump from my bed. First it’s a little green ball with a bell inside that rings as the ball rolls across my floor. That ball is quickly followed by an eagerly playful orange and white kitten who pounces on the ball projecting it farther across the floor.

“Oh, my God! Look at you!” I squeal quietly to the tiny kitten who runs after the ball with reckless abandon. I climb slowly from the bed, watching its every move even though my heart is pounding, so I don’t scare the poor thing. Then I crouch down and pick up my new four-legged furry friend, snuggling him in my arms and petting his tiny little body.

“Aren’t you the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen? And just where did you come from?” I ask, knowing this little thing isn’t going to answer me back.

My door opens a little more though, and August stands there on the other side with a few cat toys and a small blanket in his hand.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey.”

He swallows hard and then adds, “I’m uh…I’m really bad at apologies so I thought maybe this little guy could help me. They were just giving them away at the humane society.”

“Giving them away, huh?”

August bobs his head. “Well, turns out when you make a sizeable donation and promise to volunteer in the near future, they’re willing to help you find what you’re looking for.”

“Mmm.” Nuzzling the new fuzzy kitten between my chin and my chest, I walk him back to my bed and set him down. He proceeds to jump around my duvet and then nestles in my lap.

“Can I come in?” August asks, still standing in the doorway.

“It’s your apartment, Auggieeeest…August.” Fuck. I forgot he doesn’t want me to call him Auggie anymore.

“It’s your apartment too, you know,” he says quietly as he steps inside and over to my bed.

Is it?

When I don’t answer, his glance falls to my iPad and the listing I have on the screen. “Ella?”

“Yeah.”

He hesitates to answer, so I pull my eyes from the kitten long enough to glance his way and when I do, my heart drops and there’s an ache in my throat at the sight of him. His eyes are wide, his chin is trembling, and he bites his bottom lip trying to hold back tears but they slip down his cheek anyway.

“Please don’t leave me.”

For once I don’t know what to say.

---