Page 121 of What if I Told You

I want to tell him everything is going to be okay, but I can’t even answer that for myself, so I simply hold out my hand to him in hopes he’ll accept the small gesture of comfort.

“How can I help you, August?”

He takes my hand and winds our fingers together before sitting on the edge of the bed next to me. “You can help me by saying you won’t leave.”

“Are you sure you want me to stay? Because last night you?—”

“Please don’t say it,” he begs, grimacing at the thought. “I know what I said. My own fucking voice has been playing on repeat in my head all day and it’s the worst hell you could imagine.”

“I can definitely imagine,” I tell him honestly.

“Ella.” He shakes his head but keeps eye contact with me as tears stream down his face. “I’m so sorry. I was a dick. I don’t have a valid excuse for my actions or my words, especially my words to you. I feel like I was having some sort of out of body experience and I’m so, so, so, fucking sorry I hurt you.”

I break his eye contact momentarily to check on our kitten friend who made himself comfortable right up against my other pillow and fell fast asleep. Then I squeeze August’s hand and say, “I’m sorry too August.”

His brows furrow and he shakes his head. “For what? You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Yes I do,” I tell him. “You were right. I should have told you. I should have told you about Furbling all those years ago when it happened.” I shake my head this time. “I had forgotten all about it until you said something last night, but I need you to know, to really know, that what you think happened, didn’t happen.”

He nods. “I know. Scarlett and Oliver got to me. I should have listened to you, Ella. I should have believed you.”

“Yeah.” I nod quietly. “That did sting a little.”

“It was all so fucking much, El. The minute I saw that picture of you I wanted to vomit everywhere. I was so angry at him. Angry for you but then he made me second guess everything. It was too much, and I just…”

“Snapped.”

He dips his head slightly and he lets out a sigh. “Yeah.”

Lowering my head to meet his gaze, I murmur to him, “Well I feel pretty certain Jeff Furbling won’t be seen or heard from for quite some time if that makes you feel any better.”

“I don’t give a shit about any of it,” he says to me. “All I care about is you.”

My lips part as I suck in a breath, warmth spreading through my body in tiny waves.

“I love you so damn much, Ella. And I don’t want to lose you.” He lifts our joined hands to his lips and kisses the back of my hand. “Please tell me there’s a scenario where we don’t end up apart from each other because I don’t want to live without you. I need you. All of you. And I want to be the guy who makes you happy.”

“What if I’m not enough for you?” My own question brings tears to my eyes and apprehension to my psyche.

“You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Ella. You’re all I’ll ever want for the rest of my life. I fucked up, I know. I said some hateful things that I can’t take back and I know they hurt you and I’m not sure at this point there’s anything I can say to erase that hurt except I’m so incredibly and sincerely sorry.” More tears trickle from his eyes and it tugs at my heart.

“August…”

“It’s Auggie,” he tells me. “I’ve always been Auggie to you.”

I reach up to his face with my other hand and palm his cheek, my thumb wiping away a few of his tears. “I love you too, Auggie. I accept your apology…and I love the furry gift. There’s nothing we can’t get through together. We’re a team, okay? You and me.”

“You and me.” He nods and then pulls me from where I’m sitting on my bed until I’m in his arms, my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms around his neck.

“I love you, Ella.”

“I love you too, Auggie.”

TWO WEEKS LATER.

It’s been two weeks since the night Jeff Furbling showed up at our game and tipped August’s world upside down. Since then, he was benched for the last four games, fined several thousands of dollars by the league, and required to do some community service which, as apparently promised, he chose to complete at the Anaheim Humane Society. Consequently, our new kitten friend, who I aptly named Sunflower—Sunny for short because he’s a boy—has a new friend. A white kitten with orange ears and a gray tuft on its tail that I let Auggie name Leo. They’re quickly becoming best friends and are ornery as ever, but we enjoy every moment having them in our home.

I watch under the brim of my hat as August steps into the room filled with press members following tonight’s game. Watching his body move across the floor to his seat does things to my body. My cheeks heat and my chest flutters as his muscles flex in his arms. Phew! We might not make it to the bar tonight without having to spend a few minutes in my dressing room first.

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