Page 6 of Bruise Me Tenderly

River keeps his gaze fastened on mine as he says, “Ian destroyed my shoulder. I couldn’t play anymore.”

My stomach twists at the bluntness in his tone. Of course he couldn’t play after what Ian did to him. I had my own brokenbones that had to heal—most were still in the middle of healing when I left town.

“I’m sorry,” I say, even though it’s not near enough. “I didn’t know.”

“Well, you would have had to stick around until I woke up from the coma to know that.”

In some strange way, I’m relieved at the anger in his response. It’s what I need to hear.

But it’s obviously something River didn’t mean to say. Guilt clouds his eyes, and he gathers his stuff quickly.

“I have to go,” he says, standing from the table. “I’ll see you around.”

“River—”

He doesn’t give me a chance to get anything more out. He hurries out the door, and I have no choice but to watch him leave.

Four

River

I still feel kind of bad about what I said to Judson in the coffee shop the other day when I head to my therapist’s office on my day off.

I’ve been seeing Dr. Kline on and off since I got out of the hospital. My mom set my first appointment up with him, and I really dug in my heels about going. But now I’m glad that I did. I used to see him twice a week, and now I’m down to seeing him twice a month. He helped me get through school, and he was there when I moved into my own apartment and couldn’t sleep from fear.

When I get to the office, Sandy greets me from behind the desk with a smile.

“Dr. Kline is already waiting for you. He said to head on back.”

“Thanks, Sandy.” I round the corner and head for the second door on the right, which is partway open.

“Hey, River,” Walter says, turning in his desk chair to give me a smile. “Have a seat.”

I shut the door behind me and sit on one end of the loveseat I usually sit in when I’m here. This office is as familiar to me as my own apartment. I love how comfortable I am here. Walter made it so easy to talk to him, even about the horrible things Ian did to me that I never thought I’d tell anyone.

Walter minimizes the open window on his computer, turns his screen off, then moves to sit in the armchair across from me. “How’re you doing today?”

“I’m all right.”

“Just all right?” He tsks good-naturedly. “Last time I saw you, you said you were great. What’s happened since then?”

“I saw Judson the other day.”

Walter’s eyebrows lift on his forehead. “I didn’t realize you’d decided to talk to him. The last time we spoke, you weren’t sure.”

“I didn’t really decide anything. I saw him coming into the hospital. He was bothered by something and almost passed out in the hallway. I couldn’t just not go help him.” I pause before adding, “He didn’t really almost pass out. He was having a panic attack. He had a few of them back when we were kids.”

Walter nods, but he doesn’t ask anything else about Judson’s panic attack. “And how was it? Seeing him again?”

“It was…weird. I’d kind of decided I wasn’t going to see him when he got into town. I’m still a little angry with him for leaving me like he did after we escaped Ian’s house, and I didn’t want to talk to him about that. But then we kind of had to talk, and it was really awkward.”

“And you hated that?” It’s more a statement than a question.

I nod. “Judson and I were always close. Even when we were just friends. We told each other everything, and we didn’t have secrets. But seeing him in the hospital the other day, it was like talking to someone I knew in a different life.”

“That’s because it was a different life,” Walter says. “You were kids when you knew each other. Then you had to grow up overnight, and neither one of you was the same. Trauma can split our lives into multiple parts. It’s natural to feel like Judson is simply part of an old life, not this new one.”

I swallow as I try to think of Judson not being a part of my new life. I never thought I’d see him again, but I thought about him often. It was hard not to. I can’t imagine him not being a part of me at all.

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