Page 55 of Feel Me

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” he asks.

“That I’m not sure what we have is genuine or if it will even last.”

Anyone else would tell me to dump her and walk away, like Angus did. But Curran knows me and because he does he sees right through me, asking me the one question I’ve tried to avoid. “Do you love her?”

I don’t answer because no matter what’s happened between me and Mel, how much we’ve shared, and how deep we’ve shared it, I’m still the man who thinks love is temporary and mostly bullshit. “We’re exclusive,” I say instead. “But I’m at a crossroad.”

“A crossroad?” he repeats.

“I’ve never been with a woman this long,” I remind him. “We’re keeping it quiet at work and having a good time alone. But I think we’re at a point where I either have to move forward, or not and break her heart.”

“Seeing how worked up you are, it sounds to me like you don’t want to hurt her.”

“I don’t,” I answer truthfully. Jesus, when I think about how good she is to me, and how much we rely on each other? It’s the last thing I want.

“Good,” Curran says, frowning. “It would be a douchebag thing to do especially with everything going on with her dad.”

I huff. “Tell me about it.”

“So are you going to do it? Move forward, I mean?”

“I don’t know. The next step is huge.” I zip up my jacket when the breeze picks up.

Curran huddles into his sweatshirt, smirking when he realizes where I’m going with this. “Thanksgiving?” he questions.

“It’s two weeks away. I have to decide whether or not to ask her.” I pause when I realize he’s laughing. “You think this is funny?”

“It’s not a death warrant, Deck. It’s a relationship. Either it works or it doesn’t, and you move on.”

“The problem is, I think I should move on,” I admit.

“Why?” he asks. “I thought you liked her?”

I lean against my car, put off by how much I’m telling him. “I wasn’t ready for this. Things got serious between us fast. I never expected to feel this way and I almost can’t.”

“Why?”

“I still have a lot to do. I wasn’t just blowing smoke when I told you I wanted to become the next mayor.”

Curran shrugs. “So become the next mayor. Mel isn’t stopping you. If anything, she can help. Look at how she talked the governor into hiring extra staff for SACU, and how she puts out fires and takes care of shit when you’re ready to lose it. She’s good to you and is good for you.”

“Are you saying I should invite her to Thanksgiving?”

“Yes, Declan.” His brows furrow. “Why are you making this harder than it is? You sound like a goddamn pussy.”

“I’m not trying to sound like a pussy,” I snap, my voice so sharp it takes Curran by surprise. I tone it down when I realize I’m yelling. “Believe it or not, I’m trying to do the right thing and I’m not so sure that I am. She’s not like the others. You hear what I’m telling you?”

“I know,” he says. “If she was, you would have dumped her by now and fucked at least five other women after her.”

“It’s more than that,” I admit. I scan the area, taking in the brick homes and big back yards. This is the kind of neighborhood where you can raise a houseful of kids, have barbecues, and make memories. Exactly what Kill and Sofia will do, and Curran and Tess, and Finnie and Sol. It’s something they’ve probably always wanted. But I never have. Before Melissa I never entertained the thought of that home with the white picket fence or who’d be waiting for me inside.

And now . . . aw, hell. What did I get myself into?

“I wanted to be the next D.A.,” I tell Curran, staring past him. “And now I’m doing it. Mayor is my next step, and probably governor after that. How can I accomplish everything I want and still be there for Melissa? I can’t. So I turn my back on her, leaving her with no one but her sick father. The last time I saw Miles, I was sure he was living on borrowed time.”

“So in inviting her to Thanksgiving, you think you’re offering her more than you’re ready to give? Leaving her with the impression there’s more down the line?”

“It’s not just dinner, Curran. It’s her meeting the family and . . .” I shake my head. “Christmas is next, then everything else. I want to share this time with her, I do. But not if it means putting us in a position neither of us ever wanted.”

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