Page 51 of Feel Me

He bats his hands, shushing me. “It’s just one of those things that sort of happened,” he says.

For as green as he appears, there’s no squelching that twinkle in his eye. “‘Sortofhappened?’” I gasp.

“Yes.” He gives it some thought. “The next few times were in the cabana, and a couple of times in the pool. Oh, the kitchen was also another favorite.”

“You were busy that week I was at camp,” I say, trying really hard not envision all the places they defiled in my absence.

He shakes his hand out. “Oh, no, those moments came later that summer. We’d take advantage of the times you were out with friends, or fishing with your grandpa. But yes, your week away made for some interesting adventures.”

“‘Interesting adventures? Youtramp,” I say, cracking up.

He sighs. “She always looked good in that apron.”

I slump back against the headboard. “Golly gee and wow, Dad, how many time did you and Mae hike up Smut Mountain?”

“I told you, years,” he says like I’m not paying attention.

“Years?” I repeat. “But she was only with us the one year.” My voice trails when I realize what happened. “Oh, my God. Your trips to Europe, when I was at college, they were to see Mae, weren’t they?”

“They were,” he admits, his voice growing distant.

“Why didn’t you ever do anything about it?”

He tries to smile, though this time it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Because her home was in England, and mine was here with you.”

My heart stalls as I work up the courage to ask him what I already know. “If I weren’t around, would you have followed her to England?”

“I don’t know,” he answers.

It’s what he says, but I don’t believe him.

Mae walks in, pretending as if she hasn’t spent the last few minutes bawling her eyes out. I thought she cried for me and Dad. And maybe she did. But I realize now that maybe she cried for them, too.

“Miles,” she says. “It’s time for your medicine, dear.”

He sits up as she hurries to his side of the bed. He smiles at her as she fills a medicine cup with a thick brown liquid. I catch a fondness between them I’ve never noticed. But I see it now. It’s probably always been there.

Despite everything we talked about, it’s their interaction that causes me to lose my composure on the drive home.

My father gave up so much.

Including his happiness in exchange for mine.

CHAPTER 15

Declan

The Eagle’s defensive tackle tears down the field and we lose our damn minds. “Go, go, go?oh!”

And the Giant’s Number 25 takes him down five yards from the field goal. Game over. We pile away from Killian’s giant flat screen, except for our oldest brother Angus who’s flipping the screen off with two giant middle fingers. “Fuck you!”

This is what Sundays are all about: Football, family, and stuffing myself with food guaranteed to give me the big one before my time.

Instead, I’m wondering if Mel is still at her dad’s, how well she’s holding up, and counting the hours before I see her again.

When exactly did I surrender my balls?

Banging from the kitchen has me looking across Kill’s large family room. “We’re out of wings,” Finn yells. “Sofe said she made lots of wings. Where the hell are the wings?”

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