Page 35 of Merry Little Hate Notes

Oh yeah, I heard every single last word of the TED Talk. I didn’t mean to. It’s just that I’m a light sleeper and when he said my name, I woke up. But something in his voice gave me the wherewithal to keep my eyes closed. Maybe I should have let him know he had a captive audience, but it seemed like he really wanted to get it off his chest, and, okay, I was curious to hear what he had to say. So, so curious. Wow, did I ever get the shock of my life.

We are talking Brandon big-bang-theoried my entire world.

It was like he rewrote my past and now I didn’t know how to behave in the present or what my future held. The transformative power of a single moment of time was amazing. Knowingmy first kiss wasn’t a dare, and that Brandon had reciprocated my feelings at that age, left me reeling.

I was still trying to process what it meant. So much so, I hadn’t even been able to tell Carmen. Well, at least not all the gory details. I mean, she knew we ended up sleeping on the couch together and that he wanted to change my mind about him. I saysleeping, but it was more like a night of freaking out with some catnaps sprinkled in. Don’t ask me why I didn’t just go to my room to begin with. I guess a part of me really wanted Brandon to change my mind about him. I supposed he kind of had. Maybe. The jury was still debating, and their opinions were strongly divided.

Regardless, it didn’t feel right to tell Carmen that Brandon loved me, because he didn’t even know he’d told me. Besides, he loved past Holly. We didn’t even know each other anymore. And that’s where my thoughts started getting interesting. Should we get to know each other? Should I let Brandon try to change my mind about him? What about letting him help me find my Christmas again? These were scary thoughts, the scariest being that I could relate to Brandon’s feeling about home. Even though I’d never left Colorado, I’d been running from my past and hadn’t felt at home anywhere for a long time. And as hard as it was to admit, being around Brandon did feel an awful lot like home, which was super confusing.

But I couldn’t tell Brandon I’d heard him until I figured out how I felt, or if I even wanted to have feelings for him. He had left me, after all, and made me believe he’d hated me all these years. I understood him not wanting to betray my brother, but by doing so, he’d betrayed me. Ugh. Like I said, confusing with a capitalC.

I leaned on the counter to get a closer look at my face. My blue eyes were bright, screaming with this new anxiety in my life. I hardly even needed blush this morning for how cherry red my cheeks were. It was like they were permanently burning as I tried to deal with this plot twist.

“Hey, Holly,” Jane grumbled as she walked in wearing her normal scowl. Her curly hair was wildly out of control, like she’d just rolled out of bed and thrown on her enormous glasses that magnified her eyes.

“Hi, Jane,” I spoke to her reflection in the mirror. “How are you?”

“Ugh. I’m at work.” She was always such a bright ray of sunshine.

I pressed my lips together, trying not to smile. “We’re halfway through the week.” I tried to sound positive.

She curled her lips, looking like she might bark at me and bite my head off for trying to make her feel better.

It only made me want to smile more.

“I’m so sick of these holiday team-building exercises,” Jane complained. “I’m going to hunt down that wingman and make him pay.”

Oh, that was probably going to be difficult, seeing as I now knew that Brandon’s wingman was his mom. I had to stop myself from giggling on Monday night when Brandon let that slip. Never did I imagine Lauren Cassidy as a wingman. Nor would I have guessed she was behind all the holiday cheer in the office or those sticky notes. It was a sweet gesture on her and Bertram’s part. It had me wondering if it was time to revisit the holidays after all. Maybe Dad was right, that I needed these connections in my life. Did that include Brandon?

“Do you have any idea who it is?” I added fuel to Jane’s fire.

She threw her bag down on the counter. “I have a few culprits in mind. Jason and Joel are at the top of my list.”

I giggled. “You think? Does Brandon even know Joel? And doesn’t Joel have enough issues going on with Rita and Amy?” Which reminded me, I needed to find out what had happened over the weekend with the love triangle.

“He’s perfect for the job, just like Jason. You need a little douchebag in you to make a good wingman.”

“Oh. I didn’t know. I guess that makes sense, though.” It was so hard to keep a straight face.

Jane rummaged in her bag while Krista walked in carrying the infamous binder with the Mistletoe Manness brackets. Krista was also my connection for the best office gossip.

“Oh. My. Gosh. Holly.” Krista came and stood next to me, flipping her perfect golden tresses. “You are so lucky. Getting stuck with Brandon in Aspen. Yes, please. Was it so amazing?” she begged to know.

It was something, all right. It’s not every day you find out the boyyou were in love with loves you too. Or that he’d been lying to you for almost fourteen years about his feelings. Was that amazing? Like I said, the jury was in deep deliberation. Also, I had to remember my coworkers had no idea Brandon and I grew up together or that I’d pictured us having three daughters. “Well. Brace yourselves for this disturbing information: I can confirm that Brandon is a huge Katherine Heigl fan. Yeah.” I nodded gravely, knowing it would be a turnoff for some. Not sure why Katherine Heigl gets such a bad rap. Personally, I love her movies. But I was going to use her undeserved bad reputation to my advantage. “Take that for what it’s worth.” Meaning,Keep your hands and eyes off Brandon until I decide what to do with him.

Krista blinked as if she were confused. “Really? I would have never guessed.”

“Disturbing, right?” I shuddered for effect.

“It explains why he needs a wingman,” Jane offered.

“That’s a fair point,” I evilly agreed.

“Well ... I don’t know if it’s a deal breaker,” Krista didn’t sound so sure. “I could think of worse things.”

“Like what?” Jane demanded to know, as if nothing could be worse than Brandon having a thing for Katherine Heigl.

“I don’t know,” Krista stammered like she couldn’t think of anything worse.

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