Page 216 of Only With You

My heart expands. I may not have a memory like his, but I remember those words.

“I’m going to ugly cry now. What’s this for?” I look inside and pout at my name at the bottom.

“Passing.”

“This is custom-made. I’m sure you had to have ordered it a while ago. How were you so sure I’d pass?”

He smiles tenderly, making the tears I was doing my best to hold back fall. “You’re smart. I never doubted you.”

I hug him, relishing this moment and him. The guilt from earlier evaporates because all I feel is safe and at home in his arms.

61

LANDON

“Hey,son, I’m glad you called. I hope you don’t mind Ashton tagged along.” John hikes a thumb over his shoulder at Ashton, who stands behind him.

He stares at me unenthusiastically, giving me a terse nod before he’s back to looking at his phone.

I shake my head, stepping back and opening the door wider to let them in.

I invited John over because I’m finally in a good headspace and feel like I can talk to him without feeling overwhelmed. This conversation has also been long overdue, but I’ve been putting it off because I thought pushing him away was what I needed to do, but I was wrong and Reid was right. I need to talk to him. I need to tell him how I feel.

He also said I need to allow myself to grieve the people I lost and not feel guilty. I’ve been working on it, opening up to Julianna about things I’ve never shared with anyone and it has definitely made a difference.

We had agreed it’d only be us. I invited him to the house because the guys aren’t here. We played in New York a few days ago and today in Charlotte for the Jumpman Invitational. As soon as we got home, they left to spend Christmas with theirfamilies. We have a few days before our next game, but that won’t be until the end of next week.

I should’ve known better. John does what he wants and I know this is another way of him trying to get Ashton and me to bond. As much as I hate that he’s here, it’s helped me finalise my decision.

“Will you be coming home for Christmas?” John asks as he and Ashton take a seat on the couch and I on the recliner next to it. “I know Lucy would love to see you. You won’t have to worry about your ticket. I’ll pay for it.”

I stare at them for a moment, thinking how much I once wanted to be the one sitting next to him. How many times I desperately wanted to be part of his life. How much I missed and needed him. How jealous I was because I wasn’t enough for him to stay, or enough to keep his promise to come back for me.

But that was all once a long time ago because now sitting here, staring at both of them, where pain and anger would usually reside, I feel nothing.

“I forgive you and I want to move on.”

I feel the biggest weight lift off my body and disappear. For the first time, I feel like I can breathe. It’s always been hard anytime I’m around them, but especially John. But now the noose of resentment that’s loosely been hanging around my neck vanishes like it’s never been there.

John’s eyes widen in disbelief, but his expression morphs into happiness. The smile on his face is the biggest I’ve ever seen.

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. I promise things will be better between us and?—”

“Iwant to move on, and I needyouto move on, too.”

His smile falls, forehead wrinkling. “Move on? But I thought you wanted to fix things?”

“Dad, I don’t know what you expect from Landon. He always does this shit. We’re wasting our time here.” Ashton scowls.

I stop myself from arguing because it’ll only hinder me from saying what I need to say.

“I do. I want to fix things, but we can’t if we don’t talk about them.”

He sits up straighter, staring at me, puzzled. “Son, I don’t understand.”

“For the longest time, I’ve held a grudge, but it’s been a pointless one because I’ve hated someone I don’t know.” He looks crestfallen, eyes glaze over with hurt, but still, I feel nothing. “I understand you fell out of love with Mum. I understand that her becoming an alcoholic wasn’t your fault. She chose liquor to fix her pain. She made that choice. And I get that, I really do, but you also had a choice to take me with you and you didn’t. You promised you’d come back and you didn’t and that hurt. You decided I was better with her, because you needed to work on yourself. I’m happy for you, glad that you got to figure it out. But while you were doing that, playing house with your new wife, raising someone else’s son, having a daughter, I was taking care of Mum. That wasn’t my job at seven, but I still did it. I didn’t understand it, but I figured it out until she…until she choked on her vomit and I watched it happen.”

Ashton grows unnaturally still, but his eyes leap between John and me, face ashen and brows knitted. I know he doesn’t know everything because John wants to keep the past in the past. He hates talking about it and whenever he does, it’s always vague. I know it’s because he wants to pretend like that part of his life didn’t exist. He fails to understand I’m part of that life.

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