Page 196 of Only With You

I nod.

She pulls her braid over her shoulder and fiddles with the loose ends. “I understand why you’re upset with Landon, but I think he did what needed to be done.” She drops her hands and shifts her body to face mine. Confliction and uncertainty swim in her eyes, but she breathes a sigh, and a poignant smile curves her lips.

“I know it sucks, but sometimes, the truth hurts and I think you really needed that. From the moment I’ve met you, they’ve done nothing but belittle you and control every aspect of your life. And you’ve done nothing but take it because you desperately want their approval and I just can’t seem to understand why. When they do nothing but deprecate you and invalidate your feelings. They make you feel like shit for being their daughter, but you’ve done nothing but try to meet their ridiculous expectations. You’ve done more than what they’ve asked for, and it’s still not enough for them. I don’t think it ever will be. You’re taking classes for a career you don’t want, following a nutrition plan you don’t care for, minimizing your feelings and apologizing because they’ve made you believe you’re spoiled and ungrateful when you’re everything but that. Sure, you’re privileged, but that doesn’t mean you’re not going to experience hardship. And let me add thatyouwillingly hired Landon, the person you hated with your entire being just so you could pass Calc. You’ve done so much and somehow it’s still not enough.”

Something heavy grips my chest, but it becomes painful at her next words.

“They say they came because you weren’t feeling well, but why did they wait a whole week to come see you? If they were that concerned, why didn’t they come sooner? And I know theywork, so why weren’t they blowing up your phone? Not a single message or call to ask how you were doing. It’s like they were punishing you for not showing up to Thanksgiving because they like to do that. Punish you to make you feel bad.”

I sniffle, the tears building in my eyes blurring my vision.

“I don’t want you to think I’m excusing Landon, but sometimes we need tough love.”

I rest my elbows on the table, covering my face with my palms. “I’m terrible.”

“You’re not. Don’t say that.” She rubs my back, tucking my hair behind my ear.

“I am. I shut down. I didn’t think. I just took it out on him like I did when I hit his car. I didn’t say anything when they talked down to him or couldn’t say his name. I hate myself so much.”

“Hey, hey, don’t say that,” she scolds. “You were under a lot of pressure and stress after everything that happened. You’re not perfect. You’re still human after all.”

I look at her, bringing my hand to the chain. “I know, but I feel bad. He didn’t deserve that after everything he’s done for me. What if he wants to break up?”

That makes me panic and hurts worse than the look of disappointment on my parents’ faces.

She snorts, giving me abe for real right nowlook. “This man left a very important tournament because he thought you were sick. Julianna, he flewfivehours to see you. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”

El lost her shit when I told her he showed up unexpectedly. I didn’t tell her about the private jet, though, because he said Saint doesn’t want anyone to know about that.

“But what if he changes his mind? What if he realizes this is too much for him? That I’m too much for him?”

“Then he can go find less, but I doubt he’ll do that. He knew what you were like before you guys started dating. Minus thewhole controlling parents thing, but I’m sure you guys will work it out. He’d be a fool to let you go.” She beams at me, eyes sparkling with hope.

Picking up my mug, I take a drink to wet my dry throat.

“I’m sorry. Maybe that was too much.”

“No, don’t apologize. It’s the truth. One I didn’t want to accept because I was dead set on making them proud. And I really thought I could…” I sigh, feeling dejected.

She hooks her arm around mine, taking my hand in hers. “You need to do what makes you happy. I’m not saying you need to break up with Landon or cut your parents off, but unfortunately, sometimes you can’t have both things unless someone is willing to compromise.”

Disappointedly, I know my parents won’t. I could see Landon putting the effort, but I doubt they would.

“Do you know what you’re going to do?” she asks, slicing through overwhelming thoughts.

I only nod because I can’t say it out loud. I feel ashamed that I didn’t have to think about it. It’ll hurt because I wanted things to work out, but some things just aren’t meant to be.

She squeezes my hand reassuringly. “I’m here for you.”

I stand rooted in my spot, fingers drumming anxiously along my thigh, and a shiver runs down my tense back. I attempt to steady my rapid breathing, but then I think about what I’m going to do and it only worsens and my heart beats faster.

I’ve spent all last night and this morning working up the courage to do what I’m going to do, and despite my nerves, I’m still going through with it.

Exhaling a heavy breath, I knock on the door and not a second later, it swings open.

“Oh, hi, dear.” Mom stands on the other side. A haughty smile takes the place of the scowl on her face. “Come in.”

There was a moment last night and this morning where I almost regretted my decision, but standing in front of her, hearing her supercilious voice, I know I’ve made the right choice.

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