Page 195 of Only With You

“You’re so eager to please your parents, you forget that this isyourlife, not theirs. You’d rather make yourself miserable just to get the validation you know you’ll never get from them. You’d do anything to make them proud, but deep down you know no matter what you do, nothing will ever be good enough to meet their standard.”

“I don’t need their validation.”

“No, you crave it.”

She stares unblinking, tears gathering in her eyes.

The anger has now evaporated, but anxiety surges inside me. “I’m?—”

“No.” She takes a step back as the first tear falls. “I need to be alone. Leave.”

“Julianna, I?—”

“I don’t want to be around you right now. I just need to be alone.” Her face twists in pain, lips trembling, the words leaving unsteadily from her mouth.

I feel like I’m in quicksand again. My chest feels tight and heavy. I want to say something, but clamp my mouth shut.

Rationally, it made sense. She was hurting and I wanted to make it stop.

“I’m sorry.” I swallow past the heavy boulder that lodges in my throat, and with one last look at her, I walk out with the memory of tears trickling down her face.

54

JULIANNA

“Here.”El sets a large, steaming mug of hot chocolate in front of me and slides into the booth, sitting across from me. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Do I need to find Landon and slash his tires? Because I will. Or if you want him”—she clicks her tongue, making a slash motion with her hand across her neck—“gone, I’m sure I could find a way to make it happen. Make it all look like an accident. His height and weight might make it a little hard to move his body, but I don’t have anything against dismembering. It could be good practice for me anyway. Maybe I’ll drop nursing school and go to medical school with you and become a surgeon. Best of both worlds if you ask me.”

The grave look on her face makes the laugh I was trying to contain burst out. She stares at me like all I need to do is utter the words and she’ll do it. That sobers me up because aside from Landon, I’ve never really had anyone so ready to fight for me even if she’s kidding.

There’s Natalie, but we’re not the closest. It’s not because we don’t get along, because we do, but she’s busy. With her being a model, in the midst of preparing for a wedding, and what I have going on, we don’t really talk much.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?”

I left after Landon did and came to Benny’s because I didn’t want to be alone. I knew El would be here and despite it being Friday, they usually aren’t busy. She doesn’t know what happened or that my parents randomly showed up.

I guess she assumes Landon did something because she’s never seen me cry or be more emotionally invested in someone that wasn’t my parents.

Setting my mug down, I contemplate whether I want to open up or hold back. I hate coming off like I’m whining about something that shouldn’t have been an issue to begin with. But when I meet her soft brown eyes and she smiles at me with so much warmth and empathy, I break, not able to hold it together anymore.

By the end of it all, I’ve spilled everything like a fractured dam because like the words, my hot tears are pouring out and cascading down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I know this is so stupid. Crying over something like this.” I furiously wipe my cheeks, soaking the sleeves of my hoodie because they won’t stop falling.

Since I cried in front of Landon, it seems like all I do is cry.

“It’s not stupid.” She slips out of her side, sits next to me, and hugs me. “If you’re anything like me, a hug is the last thing you want because it’ll only make you cry harder, but I feel like you could use one and if I don’t hug you, I’m going to cry.”

More tears spill but not as hard as before. “Yeah, but you’re right. I really needed this.” After a moment, I collect myself and pull back, but she remains silent. “What are you thinking?”

“It’s nothing.”

“You never hold back.”

“I know, but I’m learning not to give my unsolicited opinions if they’re not asked for. After everything that happened with Cecilia, I’d rather keep my mouth shut.”

“I want you to tell me what you’re thinking because I’m struggling.”

El hesitates. “Are you sure?”

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