Page 143 of Only With You

“It’s okay,” he assures me. “I think you’ve developed feelings for her and it’s a little hard for you to process them. I think you feel overwhelmed, because it triggered memories and you panicked.”

I scrub a palm over my beard, dropping my gaze to the carpeted floor.

“She came out of nowhere…” I trail off, quietly chuckling to myself as I think back to the day I met her. “And I’m not referring to the car accident itself. She came out of nowhere and it was so unexpected. It’s not like getting a bucket of cold water poured on you. It’s unexpected in the way you see a picture of a breathtaking view. You know what to expect when you get there because you’ve already seen it, but once you get there, you realise the picture didn’t do the scene enough justice. Because once you’re there, once you’re really taking it all in, it’s much better than any picture or anyone could have ever described it.”

Blood rushes and my heart beats slow but hard. Each knock is near-deafening. The tips of my ears become warm, as do my cheeks, and slowly, the warmth descends down my body.

That’s what she does to me, how she makes me feel. She’s not the embodiment of the sun. She isthesunand all I want to do is keep rotating around it—around her.

Reid doesn’t say anything, but I can only assume he’s letting me absorb and process it all. I ruminate over my words and his. I’m not surprised when I finally acknowledge what I’ve been pushing away.

“I like her, but I can’t afford to emotionally attach myself to someone who might not feel the same. Someone whowilleventually leave. I watched my father pack his stuff and promise me that he’d be back, but he left and never returned. My mumdied in my arms. And I almost lost myself in the process of trying to keep myself tied to them. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.”

I catch the rebound and dunk the ball in the basket.

The arena erupts, cheering and chanting, and the band plays, only riling up the already erratic crowd. I can feel the vibrations from how hard they’re jumping beneath the sole of my shoes, heightening the adrenaline racing through my body.

There are ten minutes left before our first game of the season ends, and I can confidently say we’re going to win. And I don’t mean that in an arrogant, I’m-cocky-as-shit kind of way, but we’re up by twenty points and have been since the first half of the game.

I’m not going to diminish the efforts of our opposing team, Southern Dallas University. They have a strong shooter and their defence is good. Hell, for the team that they are, they’re pretty great. I’ve no doubt they could beat another team, but not us.

TJ may not be here, but we’re doing pretty great compared to how we did our first game last season. We almost choked up and that could’ve cost us our first win, but not tonight. It’s electrifying how everyone is playing. Even Malik, who I was hesitant about, is pulling his weight.

I shouldn’t have doubted them, but over the past few weeks, practice has been brutal. And it has nothing to do with Coach Warren and everything he has us do, but the guys. Something wasn’t clicking. Everyone was off, their minds off the court and on something or someone else, but tonight’s not like that.

We’re all working in sync, all knowing where we need to be and when, as if we were all telepathically communicating. The chemistry is amazing and I can tell Coach Warren is pleased, even with Saint, who’s made some risky shots tonight. But because Saint is Saint, somehow, he has managed to make them all. I’ve no idea how he does it, how he makes it look so effortless, makes it sound satisfying, too.

I still don’t understand why he didn’t enter the draft. He could’ve easily been one of the top five draft picks. But it doesn’t matter. He’s here and part of the reason for twenty-seven points, followed by Jagger, who’s made twenty-one.

By the end of the game, SDU manages to score a few extra points, but we still end up beating them by twenty-five and that only means one thing to everyone except for me.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Saint slings an arm over my shoulder before I can hide in my room.

I shrug his arm away. “I told you I’m not going.”

All the guys have decided to go to Liquid to celebrate, and while I’m all for them celebrating, I’d rather not. I put up with the loud noise at games because it’s going to happen whether I like it or not. It comes with the territory. But going out after a game, that’s where I’m drawing the line.

I need a break from the noise, because I’m feeling overstimulated, and I don’t want to smell alcohol tonight. After opening up to Julianna, I’ve been feeling more of what I’ve been trying to push away. Being around drunks and liquor is only going to mess with my head.

Speaking of Julianna, we’ve not seen each other since Wednesday. Not by choice, but we’ve both been busy, me with basketball and her with work, the sorority, and studying. Because Professor Roberts pushed the test for this Monday, she decided to work to get her mind off it.

I’d go see her, but she and the girls are doing Frimance tonight, and I think the distance is good for us. I’ve been missing her a little too much lately.

“Landon.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, breathing out with exasperation. “You have to come with us. We won!” He grabs my shoulders and shakes me. “We fucking won! We need to celebrate!”

I blankly stare at him and back up, letting his arms dangle at his sides. “First, yell in my face again and I’ll punch you. Two, I don’t want to go, so stop asking.”

He rakes his fingers through his damp black hair and grins. “How about being there with us for an hour tops and then you can leave?”

Sidestepping him, I make my way down the stairs and he follows behind. I don’t like getting violent, but I think I’m going to start. Saint pesters me all the way until we get to the bottom of the stairs, but his voice becomes muted when I hear a familiar deep voice.

I falter and almost run back up, but he spots me before I get the chance.

“Landon, hey,” John greets me with a broad grin, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Congratulations on the win.”

He stands in the middle of our living room, eating up the space with his mere height and poisoning whatever’s left of my good mood.

I try to suck in a breath, but the air around me has become hot, thinned out, making it hard to inhale.

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