Page 23 of Tainted Reasoning

Chapter Ten

Tamara

“I’m never getting pregnant if this is what it does to you.” I hold back Victoria’s hair as she dry heaves into the toilet. She’s been running back and forth to the bathroom for the last half an hour, but nothing has come up. It’s early in the morning, a little after five am, and I spent last night sleeping in the same bed as her. She hates to sleep alone since her ordeal, and Nicholas wanted to stay with his brother to check on him when he woke. It wasn’t exactly how I imagined I’d be waking up this morning, but at least it’s giving me a distraction from worrying about William. I can see he’s falling apart even further, and a feeling of guilt weighs heavy within me. A fear that I’m to blame because I pushed him into having sex with me, and it made him confront a side of himself he’s hidden away and managed to control for so long. Rubbing Victoria’s back and whispering words of encouragement to her as she fights her morning sickness, helps me to push the culpability aside, for now.

“You’ll get pregnant one day, and I’ll be there reminding you of this moment.” She heaves again and then sits with her back against the clawfoot bath. “I feel like shit.”

I can’t help but laugh at the way her face screws up. She’s not looking like the elegant Duchess she likes to portray in public, at the moment.

“Hate to say it, but you look it as well,” I respond, handing her a glass of water with lemon in it.

“Some friend you are.” She throws the towel she’s been holding at me. “I want it to stop.”

“Just remember it means that there’s a healthy little baby in your tummy, taking all the good stuff from its mummy and leaving her exhausted.”

She snorts.

“Sounds just like Nicholas after a mammoth sex session.”

I put my fingers in my ears.

“La, la, la.”

“I should’ve done that the other night.” Victoria responds and raises an eyebrow at me.

Lowering my hands, I push up onto my feet from the crouching position I was in and reach out to help her to stand.

“I don’t know what you mean.” I play dumb as we go back into her room, and I pass her a dressing gown to cover her pajamas.

“Oh come on, the entire household heard you when you climaxed. Damn, Tammy, you’re a screamer.”

“Ria.” I use my nickname for her and scold her with a scowl.

“It’s not a problem. I’m happy about it. Are you a couple now?”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” I tell her and wrap my own dressing gown around my shoulders.

“It must have been hard seeing him have a meltdown last night. I’ve seen it a couple of times before. Nicholas hates using the sedative, but William has hurt himself previously, and he’ll do anything to prevent that.”

“Ria, not now!” I snap and walk out of the room and down the stairs toward the kitchen with Victoria following close behind me. In silence, I prepare myself an americano and a ginger tea for her to settle her stomach.

“I’m sorry,” she says when I hand it to her.

“So am I,” I respond as I add a little milk to my coffee and stir it. “It was hard to see him like that last night. I’m worried what happened between us has made him believe things, which aren’t true.”

“What do you mean?” Victoria asks, taking her tea and sitting down at a little table in the corner of the vast kitchen. It’s normally a hive of activity with meals being prepared for the Cavendish family, but at this early hour, it’s empty.

“The sex. It was good, really good, but a little rough.” I join her at the table and swirl my coffee around in the cup, hoping for it to cool quicker, so I can get some caffeine goodness in me to calm my nerves.

“How rough?”

Last night when we slept together, I made sure I wore a high-necked top with extra-long sleeves to hide my bruises. I lower my dressing gown and roll up the sleeves of my top. Victoria’s eyes go wide on seeing the red marks marring my arms. Biting my lip, I next bring my fingers up to the neck of my t-shirt and pull it down. This time she gasps.

“Tammy! What did he do?”

“I was tied to the bed, and when we orgasmed, he choked me.”

“Shit!” she exclaims at the same moment the chef comes into the kitchen. I quickly let go of my t-shirt, covering the contusions around my neck once again.

---