Page 90 of Playmaker

I’m tired of trying to make everyone happy but me.

“I took her out,” I reply, fumbling with the keys to unlock the door. All the lights are off when I step inside, a blaring reminder of how alone I am physicallyandemotionally. “We’re dating, and we’re happy. She’s more than just another girl to me, and—”

He cuts me off, his words as sharp as a knife. “We talked about this. You don’t need distractions. You’re so close to getting everything you’ve ever worked for, and now you’re going to risk messing that up for her? Wait a few years when you’re established and drafted. You can’t handle a girl and football at the same time. Not when you both live so far away from one another.”

“And you know that how?” He hardly knows me. Aside from memorizing my exercise routine so I can be fit enough and have the endurance for football, he knows nothing about what I’m capable of handling anymore. Truthfully, he’d be shocked to know just how much I can carry on my shoulders.

“You’re not ready for a relationship,” he continues, ignoring my question. “We’ve worked too hard for this moment, and I’m not going to sit by and let a girl get in the way of it.”

“How has Maddie gotten in the way ofanything?” I explode. “I’m still working out. I’m still eating healthy. I’m still doing everything my trainer has instructed. Nothing has changed.”

“But hasn’t it? Your workout routine used to be in the morning, not at night, and all these charges for McDonald’s, pizza, and other junk food certainly wouldn’t be there if you weren’t with her. Whether you see it or not, she’s messing up the balance, and you can’t afford it.”

“How would you know anything—you aren’t evenhere?”

“I saw enough when I stopped by last week, and it’s not going to continue.”

Letting out a laugh of disbelief, I let my duffel bag drop to the floor. “Who I’m in a relationship with is none of your business, Dad. You can’t tell me who I can or can’t date.”

“I can if I’m paying for your tuition.”

My knuckles turn white around the phone. I’m staring into nothing but darkness as I let the threat sink in. My own father, the one who introduced me to my love of football in the first place, the man who used to be everything I looked up to and more is nowthreateningto pull my tuition if I continue this relationship.

“You can’t—”

“I can, and I will. Since the day you made the team your freshman year of high school, your dream has been to make your mother proud and get drafted to the NFL. Your mind is clouded by the potential of what could be with Maddie, and even though you can’t see it now, this is in your best interest.”

My chest is heaving, heart racing, and I’m two seconds away from chucking this phone at the goddamn wall. There is no way in hell this is happening. Maddie and I have overcomesomuch in just a short amount of time, and it’s all going to come down tothis? To my dad controlling my life?

I want to tell him maybe my dreams have shifted. It’s not that football isn’t still one of them, but Maddie and building a life with her is a dream too. There has to be a way to have both. It can’t be all or nothing.

But I do want to make him proud, and I want to make my mother proud too. My heart is being ripped in half, and when it splits, I unfortunately know which path I’ll choose. If my dad were to pull my tuition, I’d have no chance at making it on my own. I’d have to work three jobs to keep up, and if I had to keep up training and football too? It would be impossible.

“I know you’re upset now, and that’s fine, but someday when you have kids of your own, you’ll understand. You’d do anything to see them succeed, and I haven’t busted my ass for fifteen years to be able to put you through school for it to come crumbling down because of Maddie. You’ve both waited this long. A few more years won’t hurt.”

“And you realize making me choose between the two means I’ll never forgive you?”

It’s silent for a few seconds before he says, “As I said, this is for the best, whether you understand it now or not. I mean it, Cameron. Break it off with her or your tuition is pulled. And don’t think I won’t be able to tell. I track your cards, and I’m not afraid to check your messages and calls too. Whatever’s going on between you both? It’s over.”

My molars are clamped down so tightly I fear I might chip one. Who was I to ever think I could be the guy Maddie deserves? The right guy would tell his father to fuck off. The right guy wouldn’t even contemplate giving her up. But the right guy also wouldn’t have emotional trauma to unpack. The right guy wouldn’t have a desperation to please his father because deep down, he knows he’s grieving too.

I was never the guy for her, and I’ll never be worthy of her.

Maddie is an angel, and I’ll always be a sinner trying to steal her light.

She deserves someone better.

“Understood.” The word tastes like acid on my tongue but I force it out regardless, letting the loneliness and regret eat away at me as the silence grows over the phone. I haven’t even told her yet, and I know without a shadow of a doubt I’ll be haunted by her sobs just as I was when she left my living room after my mother’s death.

All I do is disappoint others, so I don’t know why I’m surprised. I warned Maddie for this exact reason that I’m not capable of being in a relationship, and although I’m strong physically, I’m weak as hell when it comes to my emotions. I don’t understand them. After losing my mom, feelings became foreign, and dealing with them was a whole other story. I don’t know how to process the betrayal from my father, and the heartbreak of the impending doom with Maddie hasn’t sunk in yet.

As always, my first instinct is to run.

Leave before they get a chance to hurt me first.

Disappoint them so I won’t have the pressure to live up to someone I can’t be.

“I’ll see if I can find a break in my schedule to fly out before you leave for school on Monday,” he starts. “We can go over the routine and adjust it again, and maybe—”

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