Page 46 of Playmaker

But the mantra I’ve repeated for years is starting to fail me.

Nineteen

Maddie

“I have to tell you something.”

I’m sitting next to Maya on my comforter, a bowl of Cheetos between us while we binge some corny Hallmark Christmas movie. And no, it’s nowhere near close to the holidays, but Maya has a thing for the clichéd movies. You know, the ones where the heroine who works for a big corporation in the city comes home to a small town during the break and bumps into an old love interest at the annual cookie bake-off. I’ve held my tongue the entirety of the first half, but before we get to the third-act breakup, I can’t fight it any longer.

“Right now?” she whines. “Maddie, Craig is about to head to the bar in town and drink his sorrows away before he realizes he’s in love with Maggie! We’re almost to the good part.”

“Shouldn’t the entire movie be good? Not just a quarter of it?”

With a deep sigh, she leans over to my nightstand to grab the remote. After she pauses it and drags her eyes to mine, she seems to realize the conversation is about to get serious. “Oh god. You have that look on your face. What is it?”

“Okay, well . . .” Despite my best efforts, I’m smiling like a kid discovering they’re headed to Disney World. “Cameron kissed me. Well, sort of. We were partnered up for that stupid game of the blindfolded version of seven minutes at a party, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is it happened, and Maya . . .” I squeal from the memories. “It was so good. Like, out of thisworldgood. After we went to the lake we decided to continue things, but no one else knows except you, so you can’t tell anyone. It’s all really new, and—”

“I fucking knew it!” The bowl tilts onto its side when her hand smacks it by accident, spilling the contents. “He finally made his move!”

I bite on my lip to tamp down my smile. “Yeah, but since everything is new, we kind of need help sneaking around, so . . .”

“You need me to cover,” she says slowly, piecing the puzzle together. “You already know I’ll do it, Maddie. You’ve been in love with this guy for years, so if you need me to make up a few excuses while you figure out your relationship, then—”

“Well, it’s not arelationship,” I interject. “We’re . . . exploring things.”

The joy on my best friend’s face fades in an instant. “Exploring,” she deadpans. “Explainexploring.”

I wring my hands together in my lap, trying to determine the best way to explain this when I haven’t yet grasped it myself. “Well, you know Cameron isn’t the relationship type, so we agreed things won’t become serious between us. We’re going to see where things go, and when we head back to school, that’ll be that.”

“Maddie,” Maya says, dropping her face into her hands. “Maddie, Maddie, Maddie. What the hell have you gotten yourself into?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What do you mean?”

“Imeanyou started a friends with benefits with Cameron fucking Holden. You aren’t a friends with benefits kind of girl, Maddie. Look at the way you lit up just telling me you guys kissed. Please tell me that’s all that’s happened, right?”

The silence is very telling, and it only makes her continue her rampage. “This is your first time doing anything, and you chose for it to happen with a guy who’s hooked up with more girls than Hugh Hefner?”

Okay, wow.

That was harsh.

“I chose for it to be with the guy I’ve been waiting for this to happen with. It wasn’t some spur of the moment decision, Maya. I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

She shakes her head. “But not like this. Cameron is the boy you’ve dreamed of marrying and settling down with. He’s the guy you wantforeverwith, and he’s not going to be able to give it to you. You heard the rumors about him in school. You know he couldn’t care less about the girls he barrels through without sparing a second glance. When this is all over, you’re going to be devastated.”

Don’t get me wrong, I knew there was a possibility our conversation would go this way. I’ve had this same back and forth with myself when I lie awake in bed at night—when my thoughts are consumed with nothing but him but I keep telling myself that I’d rather experience these moments with him and be crushed in the end than to have never experienced anything at all.

Maya grabs my hands and squeezes them. “As your best friend, it’s my job to look out for you. I’m just stating the possible repercussions of this. That’s all.”

“And I’m terrified shitless that this will only result in heartbreak, Maya, but I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t at least try to see where things go between us. If I’m a fool in the end then so be it, but I want this, and I could really use your help covering for us until break is over. I don’t want my brother becoming suspicious. You know what a lunatic he became after the whole Michael situation, and if things end poorly between Cam and me . . .”

Maya winces as if she, too, is imagining Cameron facing the barrel of a shotgun at Ethan’s hand. “I got it. Like I said, I’ll do this for you, Maddie. But I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t warn you to take things slowly. You need to tread carefully with this.”

I hold up my hand like one would swearing the oath in court. “Scout’s honor.”

“And you need to make sure you never dothatin front of him. Like, ever, if you want an actual shot with him.” I fight back a laugh while she begins picking up the spilled cheesies. “So, you’ve done more than kiss with him? Was it good at least?”

“Everything but sex,” I correct. “But, as you previously mentioned, you’ve heard the rumors in school. What do you think?”

---