Page 59 of Playmaker

I don’t waste time turning on the lights.

We stumble inside my house, too entranced with one another to be bothered by the pitch blackness of the living room. I use my memory of the floor plan and guide her toward the stairs, my hands roaming everywhere on her body, but no matter where I touch, it doesn’t seem nearly enough.

I don’t deserve her.

It’s a constant reminder in the back of my head, but she heard me out and still canceled the date with Mark. She wants this just as much as I do, and I’m fucking tired of suppressing the feelings I have for her. I want to take this leap of faith for us. I want to become a man who’s worthy of her, and I meant it when I told her I would try.

Maddie moans blissfully when we reach the steps. My lips are kissing down her neck, then across her collarbone, then her—

“Cam.” I’m obsessed with how she says my name—like I’m the object of all her desires. “I want this.”

It’s an effort for me to pause my kisses, but I drag my eyes to hers, hating that I can barely make out her face in the darkness. “I know, Mads. I want this too.”

“No.” Her breath is shaky when she adds, “I mean, I want you.Allof you.”

If a pin were to drop in the silence thrumming between us, I’m certain I’d be able to hear it. Her virginity hasn’t been talked about, but it’s something she knows I’m aware of—at least I think. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t ready. Truthfully, I was ready in the closet when we first kissed, and if I hadn’t known she was a virgin then, I likely would have taken things much further than I probably should have.

But having these little moments of intimacy are something I’ve cherished with her. It makes me slow down, enjoy every second, and leaves me wanting for more. I want to take this next step with her, but doesshe? I don’t want to rush her.

“Mads . . .” I trail off, releasing a groan when she tugs on my curls. “Are you sure you want to do this? Even after hearing all my red flags? I can’t guarantee this will work out between us. Your brother could find out, or I’ll find some way to fuck things up.” I sigh. “I don’t want you to regret this.”

She kisses me again, and it’s meant to be soft and tender, but we just can’t seem to stop. I press her against the wall of the stairs, fully consumed by her.

“I would never regret this,” she says. “If it’s not you, it’s notanyone, Cam. You’re it for me.”

Her words fuel my desire for her. Like kerosene, the lust flares to life—crackling and consuming every thought I have. It’s a forest fire burning through me, raging and begging to be released.

And this time, I’m going to let it.

The flame consumes us both when my hands find the zipper of this damn dress. I tear it down with expert precision and hear the fabric fall to the floor, and my hands land on her soft, silky skin. Her perfume, laced with vanilla, is a scent I’ve memorized.

It’sMaddie.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Finally, we’ve somehow made it to my bedroom. My lava lamp provides just enough of a red glow as she falls onto my bed, and my mouth grows dry at the sight of her. Breasts spilling out of a black lacy bra and a scrap of silk covering the most intimate part of her will me to pounce on her, but I rein in that primal part of me and focus on those lavish heels decorating her feet instead.

“You’re fucking perfect,” I mutter, enamored with the way goose bumps rise on her skin from my touch. Her eyes speak more than her mouth ever could as she tracks my movements. She’s breathless when I hook her leg over my shoulder, my fingertips fumbling with the strap around her ankle without looking. I’m ashamed to admit I’ve done this more times than I can count, so it’s a skill I’ve learned, but Maddie is distracting when she tugs on her bottom lip, and the strap that should be easy becomes more difficult than intended.

I’m too impatient to mess with a fucking buckle on a strap. “I guess we’re leaving the heels on.”

In every fantasy I’ve created in my head over the years of this moment, the real thing is surpassing any expectation. I’m breathless when she slides her thong off and tosses it to the side. Speechless when she parts her thighs. I’m hypnotized by her after she removes her bra—at her fucking mercy when I sink to my knees on the carpet beside the bed and tug her toward me.

The locket I spent hours picking out for her in the eighth grade is the only thing she’s wearing aside from the heels, and it’s a reminder of how important she is not just to me, but was to my mom as well. She surprised me that day at the jewelry store by offering to let me pick it out, and I wanted to make sure it was perfect. Something delicate and stunning, just like Maddie.

“Yes,”she moans. My head is buried between her thighs, and I’m fighting the urge to throw my morals out the window and fuck her senseless, but I have to remember this is her first time. She doesn’t want to befucked, nor is that what I want her to think I’m doing. I don’t know if I’ll be able to give her what she needs tonight, but I want to try.

I told her I’d try.

So I take it slow while I suck and lick her clit over and over again until she’s coming on my tongue. She arches her back, fist in my hair before she throws her head back against my pillows in a sated, messy heap.

“Oh mygod,” she whispers.

Rising from the carpet, I allow her a few seconds of reprieve and reach over my head to tug my sweatshirt off. She eyes me greedily, her teeth tugging on her—now swollen—bottom lip. Then she takes the time to remove her heels, and when they land on the floor with a loud thud, I’m completely naked before her.

There’s a moment of timidness that passes between us. I need the reassurance that she wants this,needsthis, and thankfully, she gives it.

One second I’m standing, and the next she’s tugged me on top of her, my large frame covering hers on the mattress. My leg accidentally hits her knee, and we both laugh at how impatient we are.

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