Page 93 of Until I Have You

When our eyes meet, she looks away, tries to pretend she wasn’t watching.

Bloody hell.

What must she see?A man in his mid-forties taking advantage of a young woman?Trying to charm and ensnare her under his spell?Her husband’s friend.Who he trusts to take care of his interests.

Including his daughter.

We’ll trade for a little bit, hm?

“What do you want to do Abigail?”

“I don’t know.”

“You want to end things?”

Abigail hesitates just long enough to make my tongue turn to stone.“I don’t know, Theo.I’m so…confused.”

I nod.“I understand.”

Of course she’s confused.She’s young.

But I am not confused.I know what my heart feels.

I know how it’s breaking.

I release her hand and give her a small nod.“Well, it was a pleasure dancing with you.”

Abigail starts to reach out.“Theo…”

I dodge her touch.Wouldn’t be good for either of us.“You mustn’t.She’s watching.”

Her hands tense up into balls.

“Don’t worry, all right?Just enjoy the night.Please enjoy it.”I force myself to smile as I speak.

Abigail smiles back.

I turn away before I do any further harm to myself.

§

The rest of the reception, I walk around in a daze.I barely eat.I don’t drink.Poor Bonnie keeps asking me to get up and dance, and I can’t hack it.

Laney and Camilla eventually offer to dance with her.Makes me feel like a cock-up father.

What else is bloody new?

I’m always shite at something.Always falling bloody short or flat on my face.

For the past few months, I felt I was closing in on a happiness I deserved.It was a delusion.That’s what it was.

Delusion that Abigail and I would ever be something that could live outside the privacy of the bedroom or the dungeon.

Delusion that a relationship could exist between us while keeping the integrity of my friendship with Edwin.

I’m a bloody idiot.

I’ve been sitting next to Edwin for the better part of an hour now, listening to him bantering back and forth with a young man who is apparently a member of the club and a widower.He’s got twins of his own back in New York.

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