Page 19 of Until I Have You

Esme might have given birth to her, but she was quick to give all maternal rights and duties when it no longer suited her.“Bonnie deserves someone who won’t walk away.”

“Well, she has you, Theo.Don’t forget that.”

I press my lips together.“I try.”

“You do.You’re a great dad.”

I look into my lap and hold in every thought I have about hating myself.“Thank you.”

“Say it.Say you’re a great dad.”

“I can’t do that, Edwin.”

“Yes, you can.Say it.Say, ‘I, Dory Wallbanger–’”

I laugh.“Lay off that, would you?Especially around Bonnie.”

“’I, Theodore Wallington’–”

I clear my throat.“I, Theodore Wallington, am a mostly okay dad.”

“Now, that’s not what I said, Wallbanger.”

I roll my eyes.“I, Theodore Wallington am…” I pause.“I’m a good dad.”

It’s harder to say than I’d probably like it to be.

“Now say it every day until you believe it.That’s my prescription.”

“Yes, Dr.Lyons.”

§

“Okay, that’s one.”Abigail buckles one of Bonnie’s patent leather shoes before moving onto the other.

Bonnie tiredly holds out her foot and looks up at me.“Daddy, I don’t want to go home.”

“I know, my love, but it’s getting late.Already past your bedtime.”

She yawns.“But I’m nottired.”

“Sure, you’re not.”

I watch as Abigail finagles the second shoe on.

I told her she didn’t have to help when Bonnie asked her too, but she said without much inflection, “It’s no trouble” and accompanied us into the front hall.

I’ve already said my goodbyes to the rest of the Lyons clan, which means there’s just Abigail left.

I was planning to avoid saying goodbye altogether, but I owe her an apology, and I’d rather not let too much time pass between the infraction and the apology.

“There we go.”Abigail taps my daughter’s ankle.She holds up the bag of gifts from Sonia and Edwin.“And you can’t forget this.”

“Thank you.”Bonnie bites down on her lower lip with a smile.

“I hope to see the finished shells sometime soon.”

“You can come over and paint them with me.Right, Daddy?It can be like a play date,” Bonnie exclaims.

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