Page 138 of Until I Have You

“I got there eventually.But it took medication and therapy, both of which I’ve slacked on since coming to the States.I poured so much of that into you, and that wasn’t fair.Not at all.”

“I’m happy to be the place you land, Theo.”

He pats my hand.“Not like that, love.You can’t fix everything for me.”

So…now I know.Now there’s enough here to make sense of what happened.The short of it is that he wanted me so badly he decided he’d do anything to keep me.In theory, that’s stirring, makes my insides warm and fuzzy.But in practice, it all fell apart.

“And I can’t fix everything for you either.Especially when it doesn’t require fixing.So, my apology stands.”Theo takes my hand and brings it up to his lips.He kisses my knuckles, a long, pressing kiss.“And I love you, Abigail.”

I hold onto him, letting myself be swept away by the moment.Theo’s arms are safe, safer than they’ve ever been.Because until now there were questions.Questions that prevented us from saying what we meant.

Now, I know.Now I can say what I mean.Though I don’t know what comes next, I know we’ll be okay.

We can do this.

27

THEO

Abigail scrapesher fork across her dish, scooping up the last bit of mashed potatoes on her plate.I watch her, my index fingers touching my lips.

I’ve barely been able to eat because I’m spending all my time watching her.Drinking her in.

“You’re staring at me again,” Abigail says with a smirk.

“Can’t help it.”I shift in my seat and lean on my elbow.“I can’t believe my luck that you’ve agreed to have dinner with me.”

Abigail laughs, pretty white teeth framed by pink lips.“I can’t blame you.Iamgorgeous.”

“You are.”

She blushes.“I was kidding.”

“I am not.”

I am filled with a bounty of love I never knew could exist for anyone other than my child.I never felt this for my ex-wife.Settled for believing what we had was love when all we had was temporary comfort until it turned sour.

With Abigail, though, I know I would do anything for her.

Her eyes jump away to pull her phone out of her pocket and check it quickly.“My mom…”

“Oh, how is Grainne?”

“Good,” Abigail says, then eyes me.“She’s going to want to talk to you, you know.”

I chuckle, pulling at my collar.“Yes, I’m sure Grainne will give me the third degree.”

“As she should.”

“Yes, as she should,” I say.“And I welcome it.If that’s what it means to…” I almost saykeepyou.But we haven’t discussed yet what the terms are beyond my admission of “I love you” and my apology.

Abigail smiles, a girlish gleam in her eye.

Oh, she makes me feel so young.Not because she is, although I suppose it helps.

Before either of us can speak again, the older woman in charge of the B&B I’m staying at comes up to us with a pitcher of water.She refills our glasses, humming something to herself as she does so.

“Thank you,” I mutter softly, trying my best not to fill her parlor with my British accent.

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