Page 137 of Until I Have You

“Wherever.Starting at all is perfect.”

Theo takes a deep breath, his ribs expanding under my hands.And then he begins.

“Esme was a decade younger than me.Which is why younger women make me cautious.It doesn’t leave room for nuance, but that’s where it comes from.”He lifts his chin, narrows his eyes as he looks out at the salty sea.“I loved her, but it was shallow.Looking back at it.I was always having to clean up my brother’s messes at the company and…I didn’t give her much attention.Then again, she wasn’t easy to love.Didn’t show much behind the curtain.”

I conjure an image of Esme in my mind’s eye.Beautiful, thin, model-type.The type of person who would be married to a billionaire on looks alone.

“Then Bonnie came along, and we got further apart.It should have brought us closer, but it didn’t.I found myself parenting way more than Esme by the end, which would be fine, if Wallington Limited wasn’t also in its last gasp.And all the while, she was fucking around with my brother and–”

Theo huffs.“The point is, we weren’t a match.But then we had a child, and our lives wrapped up in each other, so when the affair came to light–”

Poor guy.“How did you find out?”

Theo hums, an uncomfortable sound.“My brother told me.Flat out.It was…well, it was embarrassing because I hadn’t even suspected.I was so consumed with work and my child.”

“Good things to be consumed by.”

“Yes, but so consumed I didn’t even realize my wife was cheating on me with my own brother?”

I rub his chest.“You did what you thought was best.”

“Yes, well, what I thought was best included demanding full custody from Esme,” he says.“She waived her parental rights.Bonnie is entirely mine.”

I’m shocked.I didn’t realize that’s why she wasn’t a part of Bonnie’s life.I thought it was his ex-wife’s choice.Not his.

“I was so angry, I made her choose between her child and my brother.And she chose him, which–”

“Is disgusting,” I say.

“Maybe, but it wasn’t fair for me to give her the choice in the first place.”Theo frowns.“No.No, it wasn’t fair toBonnieto make her choose because now she doesn’t have a maternal figure.”

His hand interlaces with mine.“Which is why when you started showing up for her the way you did, I felt I owed it to her to figure out how to keep you as long as possible.”

We exchange soft, apologetic smiles.

“I’m sorry I tried to do it the way I did instead of explaining to you,” Theo said.

“We could have stayed together with the distance,” I say.

Theo nods slowly.“Yes, I don’t know, there was something in me that felt it was all or nothing.I thought it was for Bonnie’s sake but really, it was for mine.”

My fingers start to massage his, palms warm and pressing together.

“I had pinned my happiness to you, Abigail.And once you were gone–” Theo’s voice strains.“There was a time where every day was a fight to make it to the end.I wanted so badly to not be alive.”

“Theo…”

“After I found out about the affair.And the company collapsed.All I had was Bonnie and if everything I touched fell apart like that, then I wouldn’t be good for my child.I’d ruin her life.”

I gasp.“Theo!You’re one of the best fathers I’ve ever seen.”

“Don’t lay it on thick now.”

I cup the back of his neck.“I mean it.Bonnie would be missing out on so much without you.”

Theo smiles with gratitude.

I want to swallow up that smile so that it’s a part of me always and forever.

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