Page 136 of Until I Have You

“It’s okay.”

Theo moves closer to me.His eyes bore into the side of my face, begging me to look at him.But I can’t.Because I don’t know how I’ll react.Don’t know if it will be tears or laughter or something else.It’s too unknown.

“No, it’s not okay,” he says.“It’s not okay that I did that to you.I betrayed your trust.I did what every man has done to you, and the last thing I wanted was to be like every other bloody man who hurt you.”

I can’t breathe.

“I promised not to hurt you.And I did.Instead of just telling you the truth.”

“The truth?”

Theo says nothing, and that’s the key to pulling my attention toward him.

I knew I shouldn’t have looked at him, because the second I do, the second his blue eyes find mine, I remember everything as if it’s happening all at once.The initial discomfort with him that turned into admiration that turned into want, insatiable want that turned into…

“Abigail, I…” Theo reaches a hand to me.Tentative so I can draw away.

I don’t.I let his hand land on my cheek, and a sound escapes my throat.

I’ve missed his touch.

His gaze is resolute.As are his words.“I love you.”

I lean my face into his hand, let my eyes flutter shut as I am overtaken by a gasp.

Theo’s fingers lace through my hair.“I should have told you sooner.”

“You should have.”I nod.

He leans his forehead against mine, his lips only an inch away, but I’m not ready to kiss him.Not ready to let the memory no longer be a memory.

If it happens too fast, I might not believe it’s real.

“Would you believe if I said I was scared?”

“Yes.”

Theo laughs, breath landing against my mouth, sound rumbling in his chest.“The last woman I said that to was Bonnie’s mother and…we know how that turned out.”

I touch his wrist, dare myself to open my eyes.“I don’t know, Theo.Not really.”

He doesn’t talk about his ex, Esme, ever.At first, I thought it was out of respect, but I’m starting to realize it was self-preservation.

Theo ducks away, his eyes leaving mine.“Well, I…it’s not important.”

I chase him, my hands flying to his shirt.“It is important.I need to understand.I need to understand you the way I’ve let you understand me.”

He winces.

“I don’t have secrets from you.I told you everything,” I say.“I told you more than I’ve told anyone.”

Theo presses his hand to mine but says nothing.

I lean onto his shoulder, resting there.

I will sit here until we turn into rock, until we become the cliffside that houses the puffin colony for generations to come.I will stay as long as there is a chance that I can know him entirely.“Please, Theo.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

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