Page 52 of Until I Have You

Because I’m distracted.I’ve been distracted from the moment I ran into Abigail Lyons at the aquarium.It’d be hard enough just to have the thought of her.To see her incidentally from time to time.

But now I see her every weekend.

I hand Bonnie over, go to work, rush through it as fast as possible, and catch up with Bonnie and Abigail in the afternoon so I can spend time with both of them.Together.

It’s unspoken, the arrangement.

Abigial doesn’t ask me if she should go, and I obviously don’t ask her to.These few extra hours every week have made me totally out of my mind for her.

There are moments between us, tiny and unsure, that I wonder if I’m crazy or if she maybe feels the same.

Prolonged glances and subtle touches.Saying everything but what either of us mean.

I try not to linger on it for too long because even if it is mutual, which surely, it isn’t, it can never be.

Of course, I see her in the interim.

Last night for instance.Family dinner at the Lyons’ house.First time I was able to see Jack, meet his girlfriend, Camilla, and their new baby girl.

Everyone in the Lyons family is falling over each other in love, but Jack and Camilla are on a plane of existence I can only dream of.

I wanted Bonnie to bring Esme and me closer together.But all the complications of bringing a child into a relationship that was shaky at best didn’t serve us.After the initial glow of her arrival, we were further apart than we’d ever been.

Which is why any time I wasn’t looking at Abigail or checking after Bonnie, I was fixated on the new family.That’s how Abigail found me after dinner when I was dissociating out of a conversation, staring at a life I would have liked to have.Would like to if I weren’t so old.

“They’re like a fairytale,” she said on a dreamy sigh.

The mere idea that Abigail sees life the same way I do had me stupidly, ridiculously hard.

I told Bonnie it was time to leave five minutes later.It was too embarrassing.Too obvious.

She’s even better up close, the times I have her alone, with Bonnie.

She’s smart and cheeky, but pensive and thoughtful too.And she’s never afraid to make a fool of herself which, when you’re toting a child around, is a fantastic asset.

Earth to Theo.You’re on a date with Miranda.

Miranda tilts her head to the side, her blonde pageboy cut sloshing like a wave.

“Sorry, did you say something?”

She smiles.Pretty smile.However, her lips are red, and I have a pair of pink ones on my mind.“How old is your daughter?”

“Oh!Oh, Bonnie.She’s six.”

“Six.That’s a fun age,” she says, although it sounds like she’s just saying it to say it, not because she believes it.

“She is.Fun.Very vivacious.”

“She with a babysitter tonight?”

“No, actually, she’s at her very first slumber party,” I say with a nervous smile.

Miranda coos, “Aw, that’s adorable!”

“It is, it is.”

Honestly, Id’ feel better if Bonnie was at home with Abigail.In fact, Abigail offered when she found out I’d be busy tonight.It was her father who then had to go and tell her that she didn’t need to worry because Bonnie was going to a sleepover, andIwas going on a date.

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