Page 51 of Until I Have You

“I suppose.”

I shrug.“Life is always funny with the right person, even when it’s miserable.I think.I wouldn’t know.”

Theo chuckles.“I like your way of thinking, Abigail.”

See?I have you laughing.

Then, he sighs.“Sadly, although she’s perfect on paper, I just don’t think there’s anything we can give each other.”

“Despite being attractive, intelligent people?Nothing to give.”

“You’re too kind, Abigail.I know my beauty is fading.”

“I didn’t–” What?Didn’t mean that he’s attractive?Of course, I meant it because it’s true.He doesn’t need to know I think that, though.Or that I’m so willing to retract it.

“Helene is all the things I need, in many ways,” he says.“Except she is not what I want.And those are different feelings.Different impulses.”His blue eyes catch in mine, trying to read me like a book.“Don’t you think?”

I’ve gone too far in the opposite direction.From loathe to desire.Perhaps it’s temporary.

Yes.I’ve decided it’s temporary.“What do you want then?”

“Oh, Abigail…” Theo looks away and laughs to himself at some unspoken joke.“If only I could explain it to you.”

“I’m not too young to understand–”

“No, darling, that’s not what I mean.”

Darling.

Before either of us can say more, Bonnie rushes over with another stack of books, and Theo decides that’s the limit.

“A small fortune,” he mutters for no one in particular.

Except it seems like it’s for me.Whatever conversation we couldn’t continue having.And I’m not all right leaving it unsaid.

As we leave the bookstore, all of us laden down with bags of books, Bonnie muses into the sky, “I wish we could do this every weekend.”

I smile at her.“Would you like that?If you and I got to hang out next weekend too?”

Bonnie’s face lights up.“Yes!Can we?Please?”

I look at Theo.“What do you think?”

Theo pauses.Then he lights up too.The two of them have the same brightness in their expressions.Beautiful and warm.Warmth you want to be close to.

“Yes, I think…I think that could be good.For all of us.”

Yes.All of us in one way or another benefit.I get to be close to Bonnie’s youth and hope.She gets to see New York rather than being cooped up in her father’s office.Theo gets the satisfaction of knowing she’s safe.

And we...remain close.Which might be dangerous.

But I haven’t felt this alive in a long time.

11

THEO

The womanin front of me, Miranda, is beautiful.Every woman I’ve been set up with has been beautiful.Each of them unique and full of personality.All of them well-suited to someone who isn’t me.

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