Page 24 of Until I Find You

“A week.”

“Only a week? No, that’s no good…”

“I’d like to stop by and see you if that’s all right.”

My mother hesitates, and at that one moment, my heart starts to crack. “It’s a bad week, Jack. Kelly’s got a dance competition, and Winston’s been struggling. He needs a lot of attention right now. I’m not sure I have any time to spare.”

I square my shoulders. I knew this was coming, knew this was what I was setting myself up for. I was never enough for her, never important enough to take time away from her life. I’m glad my siblings have that from her. I’m just sorry I was never a priority.

This disappointment is not on her. She will always be who she is. This is solely on me. That for even a second, I dared to dream things would ever change. “I understand, Mama.”

“If you were staying a bit longer–”

If I was staying for a day or for a year, reality would not change. Time I accept that. But I’m only human, and I don’t care how old you are, your mom is your mom. “It’s fine.”

If only something was happening in my life important enough for my mother to pay attention…

I look at Camilla.

Her expression is confused, almost pitying. Fuck, I don’t want that from her.

“You come see us for Thanksgiving! Your father has gotten all your holidays for years now!”

Instead of pulling my focus from Camilla, I stare at her harder.

She’s a beautiful woman. Smart and funny. Someone I’d be proud to have on my side. Someone I’d love to bring home to meet my family.

“Look, the kids just got out, so I’m going to have to–”

“I was just hoping–” My mouth gets hot. Do I want to do this?

Fuck. Why can’t I get my own mother to want to see me without having to come up with an excuse? But I miss her. I know I’ll be hurt all over again, but I can’t stop myself from wanting to see her, to hug her, to feel her arms around me as I breathe her in. To feel home.

I square my shoulders, eyes square on Camilla’s. “I just was hoping you could meet my girlfriend while I’m down there.”

Camilla’s eyes narrow for a second. Then, they widen to ridiculously cute levels. Her jaw drops and feelings I can’t try to begin to understand flash behind her eyes.

I know she understands what I’m saying, and she is not happy, but I can’t deal with that right now. Not when I’m on the phone with my mother.

“What?! Did you say a girlfriend?! You want me to meet–” My mother lets out a laugh. “Oh, Jack, why didn’t you lead with that?”

Because a normal person wouldn’t have to lie to have their mother be happy they were visiting. “I don’t know. But if you can spare an hour or two, maybe–”

“No, no. You’ll stay with us! We have the room. I want to meet her, make sure she’s a good fit. All right? Cancel your hotel.”

Staying in a house with my mother, stepfather, and their two children has never appealed to me, but I have to admit, I’m elated she at least asked. Too bad it took me lying to her to have her welcome me like this. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Nonsense. Of course, I–” There is commotion in the background. “The kids are here, have to go. Text me the details and–”

“Will do, talk soon, love you,” I blurt before I change my mind.

I place my phone on the counter and close my eyes.

I did it. I really did it. And I’m going to see my mother. Spend time with her.

“Jack…”

Camilla. Fuck. For a second there, I forgot where I was.

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