Page 106 of Until I Find You

“That’s ridiculous.”

Camilla lifts her chin. “How? When I don’t even know who my own mother is?”

“No one ever said that was a prerequisite to becoming a mother.”

It’s sinking in. That we’re standing here on the precipice of another huge leap. Not just a business, not just a relationship…

A baby.

I can’t help but smile. It trembles and tears threaten my eyes, but I have to be strong.

“I don’t want to lose myself,” she says. “And if I don’t have the touchstones–”

“I would never let that happen.”

She scoffs. “How would you do that?”

“I just wouldn’t.” I don’t let my confidence falter. Because I believe it. “Because if anyone is lost, it’s me. I’m the one lost here. In you.”

Camilla smiles. “You’re silly.”

“No one in the entire world will ever be above you. So, if you ever start feeling lost, I’ll do whatever I can to make you feel found again, Camilla. That’s my job. You’re my baby girl.”

She sighs, cheeks flushing.

“And if my baby girl is having a baby…” I stop in my tracks, trying to catch my breath. “We make our own way together. Our own family, our own history. Everything our way.”

Camilla slides her hands up my back. “I like that.”

I kiss the top of her head. “I don’t think I can express to you how happy I am.”

“Try.”

“Oh, god. Happier than I’ve ever been. Ever.” A tear escapes my eye. “So, if you’re scared, you can remember that I’m not. Not atall. Because the best woman in the world might be carrying my child, and I won’t let her ever think she’s not enough.”

Camilla buries herself in my chest and starts to cry.

I hold her there, tight and protected, stroking her hair, shushing her with calming words while my own eyes cloud with tears.

When we finally are able to split apart, we manage to get our act together to hurry to the nearest drugstore and grab a pregnancy test. And in the bathroom where hours earlier I was holding her hair back and felt like my life was ending, Camilla holds up a test to me with two pink lines.

23

CAMILLA

“Since we won’t haveyour blood test for a few hours and we can’t get a good timeline because of your irregular periods, I think we’ll go ahead with an ultrasound and see if we can confirm pregnancy and see how far along you are,” the doctor says with an encouraging smile.

Dr. Harvey is a kind, elderly woman who should be sitting on a beach somewhere sipping daiquiris instead of stuck in this fluorescent doctor’s office.

“O…okay.” I look over at Jack who is sitting against the wall.

He’s kept his mouth shut the entire appointment. Perhaps out of nervousness. Perhaps politeness. Either way, I’m just happy he came with me today. His soft smiles and encouraging nods keep my mind settled.

Jack was able to arrange for an appointment ASAP with Sonia’s OB, information he got from Abigail in an attempt to be surreptitious.

“Why do you need an OB?” she had asked through the phone speaker.

Jack is not a good liar. And she didn’t know I was on the call. So, when the silence lingered too long…

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