Page 28 of Gross Misconduct

“Right. And I’ll plug our relationship. Subtly, of course.”

“You got it,” I said, pointing at him. “Did I tell you that Meghan is doing a piece on me? She writes promotional pieces, and I thought she could do a small feature on me. I’m going to mention our relationship but not make a big deal about it. The piece won’t go out on the website for about a month.”

“Sure. But based on the reaction to your posts, people still think I’m a piece of shit.”

I tapped a finger on my jean-clad thigh. “We will have to keep working on that.”

“We play Las Vegas in a few weeks in their barn. The booing will be epic.”

Hmm. That seemed to bother him. “Well, don’t worry about that. It’s one game. Now if we can keep scoring events like volunteering for Mainland Pantry, you’ll be back to being the golden child in no time.”

His brow furrowed. “Why does it sound like we are using Mainland Pantry for my gain?”

I didn’t understand his point. “We are, but they benefit too. It’s a win-win foreveryone.”

His face scrunched up further. “No, you’re not getting what I’m saying. I don’t want to use people to help me.”

I was completely confused. “We are all volunteering. They get free labor and more exposure. What am I missing here?”

“The point,” he muttered.

Now I was getting pissed off. “Then explain it to me.”

“It appears I need to. You wouldn’t have thought of this idea had I not ruined my reputation. No one would have helped Mainland Pantry. Now we are doing it so that I can get some good press. I’m using them when I normally wouldn’t have bothered or even known about them.”

I still had no idea what the issue was. People used other people all the time. It was how the world worked. “Okay, but they get free publicity.”

He looked physically pained now. “But we areusingthem. Do I really need to spell this out with charts and graphs?”

And then it hit me. Just like Tangi had opened my eyes to my negotiation with Clay. Was I really so dense? Did I not care about people? Worse, was I a narcissist? The thought that I still couldn’t fully understand this scared me. Was that a product of having a distant mother who cared about only herself. MY GOD! Was I my mother?

“Can you stop the car for a minute? I need to get out.”

He whipped his head around to face me. “We are about to get onto the highway.”

“You need to pull over. I need air. I think I’m going to be sick.”

He pulled over into a grocery store parking lot, and I quickly got out and gasped in some fresh air. Jeremy jumped out of the car and came over to me as I paced an empty section of the lot. Thankfully, no gawkers could mill around to see my meltdown.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m my mother!”

“What?” Confusion marred his face.

“I’m a narcissist just like her. I couldn’t see that I was using Mainland Pantry until you pointed it out to me. Just like I couldn’t see that my arrangement with Clay was gross and disgusting. I asked him for a million dollars! I was going to take a downtown condo! Not to mention the hundred thousand … And it wasn’t until Tangi pointed it out that I realized how awful it was. I called the whole thing off and said I’d do it for nothing! But I just wanted to pay my student loans and maybe get something extra out of a rich guy, but it’s gross. Don’t you see?”

I may have been a bit hysterical, because Jeremy came up to me and placed his hands on my shoulders to keep me from pacing and making a further scene.

“You aren’t a narcissist. If this helps, I think you just didn’t realize it until it was pointed out to you. But once it was, you got it. A narcissist would still take the money and run.”

“But what if it happens again, and I don’t get it? What if I never get it?”

He smiled now. “I’m pretty sure you are going to be more self-aware going forward. In fact, I’m certain of it. And maybe I was going a bit overboard with the whole Mainland Pantry thing. Are you really doing this for nothing? The whole relationship thing?”

My mind stopped racing, and I faced him. He had grounded me, and I while I liked it, it still made me feel uncomfortable. “Yes. I mean, Clay hasn’t accepted the hundred thousand back yet, but I’ll insist on it. And I’m keeping my office with a window because he wouldn’t take it back.”

“A narcissist wouldn’t do that.”

---