Page 72 of The Last Days of Lilah Goodluck

“Your recent behavior has been the cause of much concern. The photos of you in the media, particularly,” she continues, ignoring Helena.

“You mean the ones of him in public with a couple of different female friends? The ones where everyone was fully clothed?” I ask. “How the hell could they be seen as scandalous?”

The princess ignores me too and carries on. “We’d hoped you would have settled down by now. It’s not as if suitable candidates weren’t made available.”

“Do you mean that awful girl you had the audacity to send chasing after him the second he turned eighteen?” asks Lady Helena. “You remember, sweetie—” she turns to Alistair “—her father was some billionaire. Of course, it turned out that he was a close friend of a certain monarch. We had to find out about the connection through other means. It was all rather distasteful, as I recall.”

Alistair just grunts and sits on the arm of the sofa beside me. He apparently feels the need to hover. As for me, I feel the need to protect him from these assholes.

“Then there was that supposedly chance meeting with His Royal Highness’s goddaughter,” continues Her Ladyship. “She transferred to your college for a semester. Not the least bit subtle. Next came the young, widowed countess who tried to climb into your bed in Bali. And the rather fetching equerry’s daughter who tailed you around town for a while. I was also highly dubious about the one from the Royal Ballet. What was her name again?”

“How the hell did you hear about Bali?” asks Alistair.

Her Ladyship winks. “Never you mind.”

“That’s enough.” The princess’s gaze is cold and hard. “The point is you’ve had numerous opportunities to find yourself a suitable match. At least previously you were always seen with women of worth.”

“Oh, dear. I never could fault your bravery, Lexi, just your wisdom. Safe to say that hasn’t changed. Whatever it is you want from him, let me assure you that attacking his friend is not the way to get it.” Lady Helena raises her hand. “A drink, please, Dougal.”

“Yes, Your Ladyship.”

“Best get one for Lilah as well.”

“Aye.”

“Women of worth?” repeats Alistair with a blank face. “Are you fucking with me?”

“How dare you use such language.” The princess’s lips are a thin line. “I suppose it was too much to hope that you had been raised correctly.”

“He went to all the best schools, as you well know,” says Lady Helena in a cool tone. “Received training in etiquette, has a working knowledge of the Constitution...all that nonsense. We even had regular formal meals to ensure he was comfortable in such a setting. All on the off chance that his father might one day deign to acknowledge his existence. When news of my son was made public, we received no support from you or your family. And still Alistair did his best to make his father proud. He even served in the military.”

“For the wrong bloody country.”

“For the country that wanted him.”

“This is all beside the point,” says the princess. “His latest dalliance is ill-advised and cannot continue.”

Before Alistair can lose his shit, I ask, “What’s so awful about me? Just out of curiosity.”

“Nothing. You are perfectly ordinary in every way. You are the very epitome of unremarkable. And for someone of Alistair’s pedigree, that is simply unacceptable.”

“You would know all about conduct and pedigree,” says Lady Helena. “I once saw you so drunk you were spinning in circles with the skirt of your ball gown held high above your head. That was a good night. We were at Kensington Palace with that bartender you were seeing on the sly... What was his name?”

Nothing from the princess.

“Ordinary how, exactly?” I press.

More sniffing from the princess. The lady needs a tissue. “Your upbringing, education, appearance, social circles... Everything about you is objectionable.”

“That’s enough,” growls Alistair. “I’ve never heard such utter shite.”

To which I respond, “I want to hear what she has to say.”

Which is just as well since the princess shows no signs of stopping. “Not to mention how erratic your recent behavior has been. Getting tattoos and such.”

“Wait a minute. How do you know about that? I haven’t posted on social media since last Saturday.” And then it hits me. “Huh. You have someone following me, don’t you?”

“You’ve had someone following Lilah?” Alistair’s jaw is an angry jagged line. “Are you kidding me?”

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