Page 73 of The Last Days of Lilah Goodluck

“Alistair, you are not in a position to simply do as you please,” says the princess.

“Watch me.”

“You actually hired someone to stalk me,” I say again in surprise. “What the hell is wrong with you people?”

“A basic background check is standard protocol.” The princess returns my glare with one of her own. “Alistair has a connection to the crown. Of course we had to know who you were.”

I just shake my head.

Lady Helena jumps to her feet. “I am outraged—outraged, I say—that you would treat my soon-to-be daughter-in-law this way!”

Alistair’s brows are pinched. “Mother...”

“My darling baby boy finally finds happiness, and this is how you behave. I can believe it of your brother. He was always a self-absorbed twat. But in all honesty, Lexi, I’d hoped for better from you.”

“They’re engaged?” asks the princess with no small amount of horror.

“Yes, they most certainly are, and I, for one, could not be happier. The tears of joy I wept when they told me the good news. I couldn’t stop howling with happiness for hours. Hours, I say!”

Dougal makes a noise in the back of his throat. It sounds vaguely like him trying to choke down laughter.

I have nothing.

The princess turns to Alistair and demands, “Is this the truth?”

But he’s busy doing the blank-expression thing again. However, if his mother wants to mess with these people...it’s okay with me. They actually paid someone to follow me around and report on my doings. Paparazzi are an invasion of privacy. This, though, feels like taking it to a whole new level.

“Go on, darling.” Lady Helena smiles encouragingly. “You might as well tell her.”

“Right.” Alistair clears his throat. “Lilah and I are... Yes...we, um...”

“We’re thinking of a July wedding,” I say. “Just something small and intimate.”

“Absolutely no more than a few hundred of their closest family and friends.” Lady Helena plays with her pearls. “And of course, an exclusive will be sold to a respectable media outlet. Photos and a tell-all interview. Merchandise will of course be on sale once we get their official website up and running. Coffee cups and tea towels and suchlike. All of good make. It wouldn’t do to be stingy.”

The princess falls into a nearby chair as if she might faint. Though even that is done elegantly. “He’ll have my head for this.”

“I’m reasonably certain that’s no longer legal,” says Alistair, barely hiding a smile. “But don’t quote me on it.”

“He was hoping you might take an interest in a distant cousin. She’s quite a nice girl. A little horsey for me, but not everyone minds that.”

“That’s not going to happen,” says Alistair.

“You don’t understand. The king is finally willing to acknowledge you. So long as you agree to certain caveats, of course.”

The blood drains from Lady Helena’s face. “He’s willing to what? What did you say?”

“You will never be in line for the throne,” says the princess. “But the king is willing to acknowledge you, and you would no longer be persona non grata.”

Alistair blinks repeatedly. As if he too is taken aback.

Dougal hands me a glass of ice water, and I down a mouthful. And immediately start coughing because the clear liquid is vodka. What a rookie mistake. How embarrassing. Alistair smothers a smile and rubs my back. Always nice to know someone finds me entertaining. How unfortunate that it’s my new fake fiancé who might be about to dump me in favor of finally having a relationship with his father and some strange girl.

“Why now?” asks Alistair. “What’s changed?”

“It’s an offer that won’t be repeated,” says the princess, not answering his question.

Lady Helena sighs. “Lexi, he won’t consider the proposal without the appropriate information. Be sensible. I didn’t raise a fool.”

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