Page 151 of Finding Delaware

Me:Can’t talk.

Planning operation ‘Get Xed To Open Up About His Feelings Without Hopefully Resorting To Violence But We’ll See.’

I hear him snort over the music.

Huckleberry: Bit of a mouthful, if you ask me.

And do not turn that into a dirty joke, Logan’s trying to peek at my phone.

Me: The urge to send a random dick pic just now was so strong.

Really, you should be proud of my restraint.

Huckleberry: You already scarred my best friend for life by kissing him. Let’s not traumatize him with your dick, too.

Me: Worried he might see it and fall in love?

Huckleberry: I mean, I did, so yeah.

Whoooosh and there goes the fucking air out of my lungs. Goddamn, he has a way of leaving me breathless and speechless with just one text.

Me: Aw, shucks.

Thanks, bud.

Huckleberry: Annnnd I take it back.

Me: No take backsies. It’s in writing now.

And just for the record, I’m in love with your dick too.

Admitting that in text is so much easier than telling him I love him in person, and I wish it wasn’t. We already admitted our feelings to each other, so why must those three words be so hard? I do love him. I have for years. But despite his words, there’s still that nagging voice telling me that my feelings aren’t reciprocal. We only have until the end of July, and all of this is temporary. Maybe Huck was right when he said it might hurt less if we end this before it even begins. Though the last month with him has been easy and fun, my gut tells me that something is brewing on the horizon that has my heart bracing for a crushing blow.

The hours crawl by as we make our way toward Greeley. Christian’s uncle owns a plot of land in the wilderness that he lets us camp on for free, and we make this trip yearly. In the past, it was always an excuse to get as shitfaced as possible and just vibe, but last year was my first time being sober, so in support of it, Christian and Salem were sober as well. We still had fun, but now that I’ve had time to adjust and we’ve brought a whole gaggle of friends along, I told them I didn’t mind if they let loose.

Eventually, Huckslee and Logan make a game of coming up with names for license plate numbers they spot, Salem and I joining in while Xed dries out with a nap. It’s surprising, atfirst, to see Salem actually speaking to Logan, but I try not to make a big deal out of it. We stop one more time for Christian to fill up my gas guzzler, and then finally, after the longest day of driving in my life, we’re pulling off the road and into the trees.

His uncle’s property is marked by bright green flags tied around trunks of tall pines, and Christian leads the way to the usual spot we camp at, our bikes and Logan’s uncle’s four-wheeler bouncing in the back. Our spot is a small area that we fenced in with logs a few years back, complete with a raised cinderblock firepit that Christian and I built ourselves. We picked the flattest part of the five acres with the best tree cover for shade.

“Some ground rules for you fucks who haven’t been here before,” Christian starts when we all exit our vehicles, “mytíomarked his property line with bright green flags, do not go beyond those flags. They also glow in the dark.”

Logan groans as he stretches his long legs. “And what happens if we do?”

“You will be shot on sight,” I deadpan. Everyone except Christian and Salem stops to stare at me.

“F-for real?” Logan glances at Huck nervously, who blinks several times, and I smile grimly.

“Yep. There’s an old man who lives in a camper on the property next to us, and he likes to use his shotgun.”

“Found that out the hard way,” Salem mutters, opening the back of the jeep to start unloading our camping gear.

Xed grunts, rubbing his eyes as he helps her. “I remember hearing this story the summer before junior year.”

Huck cocks a brow. “What story?”

“This asshole,” Matty throws a sweaty arm around my shoulders, shaking his head, “decided to sneak over there and steal the guy’s propane. Needless to say, he wasnothappy.”

With a snort, I shake him off. “Understatement. I almost took two buckshots to the ass.”

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