Page 59 of Suspicious

My breath caught in my throat, my heart pounding furiously, it was hard to say the words. “Goodbye, Beatrice Underwood.”

She hesitated for another few seconds, both of us offering a faint smile before I couldn’t handle it anymore. I swung my body around, slamming my door shut to block out the view of her perfect face as my panic attack completely took hold.

I slid down the back of my door, trying to catch my breath, my knees up to my chest. My hands shook, and my heart ravaged my chest so intensely that my head was swirling from the intense thumping. I couldn’t capture a thought—there was too much racing going through my mind. My chest felt so heavy it was overwhelming.

She was leaving.

Honestly, she was already gone.

And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I was never going to see her again, and I didn’t know if Jason dying or if Bea leaving me was the worst pain I had ever felt.

And not being able to distinguish between the two made mefeel even fucking worse!

“Loki?” Rhyan’s voice snaps me from that traumatic memory, her gentle hand on my arm. But even though my mind is pulled from the lingering heartache, my body is still back there.

Thirteen years ago.

In my bedroom, having a panic attack after Bea left me.

My hands start to shake, the familiar cold sweat forming on my brow.

I have to do something.

Say something.

But the words are stuck in my throat.

I can’t stand by and watch as she fades from my lifeagain.

The ache in my chest is almost unbearable.

“Where thefuckdid she go?” I roar.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Bea

The couple of days have helped to clear my head. It really put everything into perspective for me.

I walked out on Alex once before.

Before I actually took the time to talk shit through with him.

I should have tried harder.

I should have pushed him.

I should have known he was in a really dark place and needed me.

I’ve felt like a failure ever since I left for San Jose—knowing there were warning signs that Alex was slipping away, but I didn’t see them.

Honestly, Jason’s diagnosis and Alex’s deep dive into depression were the reason I selected the courses I did in college. The Grimes boys are the reason I developed my health and wellness app in the first place. To help people who don’t necessarily understand they need help. When I found out Alex had joined Defiance, my push to make the app available to people from all walks of life became my next focus.

Because Alex wouldn’t be‘Loki’if it weren’t for our history.

He would have gone to college.

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