Page 56 of Suspicious

Making my way around the clubhouse, I search everywhere—even in my bedroom—but I can’t find her. I make my way back out into the main clubroom, confusion surging through me as I head over to Montana and Rhyan while they sit at a table together, laughing about something as I approach.

Montana glances up at me as I step in beside him. “Hey, VP, you okay? You look…” He hesitates.

Rhyan places her hand out and gently touches my arm. “Stressed,” she finishes his sentence for him with a concerned expression.

Still continuing to dart around the room with my eyes trying to find Bea, I exhale. “Bea was here before, arrived as Haven was leaving. I know I saw her, but I can’t find her now.”

Rhyan tilts her head with a grimace, and instantly, my stomach sinks. A wave of anxiety rolls through me. “I, ahh… saw her take everything she had, and she left. She said she had some things to take care of and she couldn’t be here to do it. She needed a clear head.”

She needs a clear head.

I can’t believe this is happening again.

My heart pounds in my ears, drowning out everything else.

I feel panic rising, my thoughts spiraling out of control.

I can’t lose her, not again.

The walls seem to close in on me, my vision blurring with panic. I press my hand against my chest, trying to calm the erratic beating. But it’s no use. The air feels thick. My lungs burn as I struggle to catch my breath, and the memory slams hard and fast, almost knocking me off my feet.

744 hours and 44640 minutes ago, my life felt like it ended.

I wish it had.

I would have done anything to trade places.

To have been the one to go.

The guilt that hung on my shoulders was slowly sinking me into a hole I had no clue if I was going to make it out of.

One month ago today, my younger brother, Jason, died, and I was the one who was supposed to save him.

Theo was leaving, and he’d got his internship over in Silicon Valley. He really was making something of himself, and I was happy for him. I really was. While I should have been trying to move forward, find something to look forward to, and find a career path for myself, I could barely even get out of bed, let alone fill out college applications or apply for internships.

My parents were worried.

I was shutting everyone out.

I was closed off to the world, including Bea.

She continued to come over without raising suspicion of Theo to help me through my grief. But when you’re so deep into the darkness, you can’t even see the one shining light of your life when they are standing right in front of you.

Eventually, she started to pull away.

With my blanket tugged up over my head, I heard the gentle knock on my door. “Go away, Mom,” I called out.

“It’s me,” Bea replied, and I slowly sat up in confusion.

She would always sneak in through my window.Why was she coming up through the house?

“Come in,” I answered.

She opened my door, immediately taking in the chaos of my room. She frowned and walked over to my window, throwing back the curtains and letting the vicious glare of sunlight in, causing me to groan.

“Alex, you know I love you. And this has been the hardestmonth your family haseverhad to go through, especially you. But, baby, you havegotto pull yourself together,” she snapped, then walked over to the edge of my bed, taking a seat beside me.

I exhaled, resting my forehead against her shoulder, just needing to be close to her. To smell her. To be wrapped up in her perfection. “I… I miss him, Bea.”

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