Page 57 of Suspicious

She sighed, sliding her arm around me. “I know. We all do. Jason was the most amazing person. It was hard not to get drawn into his spirit. But that’s what you’re forgetting, Alex. While you’re up here drowning, you’re forgetting that your mother lost a son. Your father lost a son. His friends lost a loyal companion… you’re not theonlyone grieving here.”

I jerked my head back with a furrowed brow. “You think I don’t know that, Bea? That I am so self-centered that I don’t know my parents are hurting? Thatyou’rehurting?”

She choked back the emotion and shrugged. “You’ve been caught up in your own tailspin, Alex. I haven’t been able to talk to you about anything that’s happening with me. You have no damn clue what’s going on or what I have been having to go through next door. The decisions I’ve had to make.”

Shifting back to face her front on, I glared at her. “Decisions? What decisions? Bea, I know I have been all over the fucking place, but you can talk to me about anything. You know that,right?”

She stood abruptly, tears in her eyes as she started pacing. “I thought I could… before all this. We were good, you and me. Then you shut me out. I didn’t know what to do, and I had absolutely no one I could talk to because no one knows about us, Alex!”

Standing to meet her, concern flowed through my body. Unsure what she was talking about, I reached out for herhands. “Bea, I’m here. Now. I’m listening. Please… talk to me.”

A lone tear flowed down her cheek, and my heart started racing, knowing something was very, very wrong. She sniffled, then bit her bottom lip. “I… I’m…” she hesitated, so I moved in, looping my arms around her waist for comfort.

“Hey, I’m here. Talk to me, baby,” I urged.

She rested her forehead against mine, the closeness somehow easing my nerves before she spoke. “Theo leaves for Silicon Valley tomorrow.”

A slow smile crossed my face. “I know. With him gone, we won’t have to be as careful about being together.”

A soft whimper escaped her lips as she turned from me, pacing the floor. With that, my heart fell through my soul, and I knew that whatever decision she made was not a good one.

“Bea?” I whispered.

With her back still facing me, her arms crossed across her body for the support she obviously needed, she started to tell me everything. “When it came time to send in college applications, my parents made me send in one for San Jose, just in case. That way, I could be close to Theo.”

My eyes widened in shock. I had absolutely no idea. I only thought she had applied to colleges closer to home.Not over five hours away!

“I wanted to talk to you, get your opinion on whether I should go to San Jose or stay here… with you. But with the pressure mounting from my parents and Theo to go to San Jose, I couldn’t tell them why I wanted to stay because they don’t know about us. And with everything the way it has been leading up to Jason’s passing, and then it only getting so much worse this last month, and of course, deadlines for acceptances were cutting off, Ihadto make a choice.”

My stomach clenched like the Hulk was gripping myinsides and trying to tear them from the inside out. In my heart, I knew what she was saying, but I needed her to tell me.

“So, you’re leaving? Is that what you’re telling me?” It came out almost like a breathy whisper.

Bea slowly turned around to face me, tears clearly streaming down her face as she stepped toward me. “I still love you, Alex. That hasn’t changed. I need some time to clear my head.”

Letting out a small laugh, I turned from her to hide my pain-filled face. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces all over the floor. “I know I pushed you away, and I know I have been an ass, but I needed you, Bea. I fucking needed you to just be here. Even if you sat with me while I fucking cried in your arms. But you left me here to sink into this mess I’m in, and now you’rereallyfucking taking off because you thinkI’mthe one who messed up?” Spinning back to face her, my anger seeping through at an uncontrolled rate. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me.

Her body clearly trembled as we stood facing each other. “Y… you wanted me here?”

Throwing my arms up in the air, I couldn’t help but yell at her. “Of course I did, Bea. My world is imploding, and theone personwho I thought I could count on, theone personwho I love the most, wasn’t here to help me through it because she couldn’t handle my grief. It only makes it so much harder to cope with. I lost Jason, Bea. But in a way, I think I already knew I was losing you too.”

Her hand shifted to her mouth to capture her sob. “Oh, Alex, I’ve read this whole thing entirely wrong.”

Slumping my shoulders, I exhaled. “Well… are you still leaving?” I asked.

“I don’t have any choice—”

“We always have a choice, Bea… and you’ve clearly made yours.”

“Alex—”

“Just go. Go to San Jose. Be the amazing woman you’re supposed to be. You’re going to have a great life, Bea.” I turn, walking to my bedroom door to usher her out.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you,” she whispered, taking small steps toward me.

Inhaling sharply, my eyes met hers. That spark, that fire that ignited between us was still there, but this felt final. Like it would be the last time I looked into her beautiful eyes. “It was good while it lasted, hey, Sparkle?”

She burst into tears, and my heart thrashed in my chest. I reached out, pulling her to me one last time. Holding her felt right as she nestled against my body.

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