Page 32 of Suspicious

I was so fucking happy.

And the last time I felt that was when Bea was around. So having her back is fucking with my head.

Because she reminds me of happiness.

Of a time before the darkness.

So, I feel like I should be jumping from the rooftops in excitement that she is here with me again.

But I’m not.

I can’t.

Because the way we left things turned everything sour.

Turnedmesour.

And I don’t know if I can ever truly be fixed.

And that thought is utterly terrifying.

“Honey, can you promise me something?” Mom asks, forcing my focus back on her.

“What’s that?”

“Can you please go out and celebrate, whatever it is they’re celebrating, with your club tonight? I don’t need you to go wild. I don’t even need you to have fun. I just need you to go out and be with your family. Your brotherhood. I need you to be with other people tonight. Can you please do that…for me?”

I hear the sincere concern in her tone, and I sit up taller. The last thing I want to do is worry my mother. I don’t ever want her to be concerned about the safety of her only remaining child. “I’m fine, Mom. I promise. But yes, as soon as we end the call, I will go out and mingle.”

Her relieved sigh echoes down the line. “Oh, I am glad to hear this, honey. You had me worried about you for a moment there.”

Scrunching my face, I grimace. “You don’t have to worry about me, Mom. I’m gonna be okay.”

“I love you, Alex. More than anything.”

Warmth floods through me. “Love you, too, Mom. I’ll call again soon. Sooner than I have been.”

She chuckles down the line. “I’m going to hold you to that. Go and have a good night, my love.”

“I will… and thank you for always being here for me.”

“Alex, I’m your mother. There’s never a day that I won’t be here for you. It’s the same for your father too.”

Weakly smiling, I nod. “I’ll try to come out and see you soon.”

“We’d love that, but if it’s too painful for you to come here, we can go out for dinner somewhere. Meet in a park—”

“I’ll come to you. I need to get past this sooner or later, Mom.”

She’s quiet for a moment but then sighs. “Okay… we can discuss it when the time comes. In the meantime, have a good night.”

“You, too, Mom.”

“Love you, honey,” she says, then ends the call.

Smiling, I close my eyes, and then I straighten out my shoulders.

I need to pull myself together.

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