Page 31 of Suspicious

“Alex, honey… it’s okay. We’ll find another way,” Mom stated, but it was muffled. I could only just hear her through the ringing in my ears.

I was panicking.

Completely freaking out.

I was the only chance my brother had, and because of a technicality, I had failed him.

I turned, racing for the exit.

I needed out.

I couldn’t handle this situation.

But as I was leaving, the last thing I heard was Jason calling out, “It’ll be okay, Alex… just take a breath.”

“Alex, Alex, honey… are you still there?” Mom asks down the line, snapping me back into the present.

Shaking my head, I clear my throat, blinking rapidly to clear the tears that are forming before they fall. Slumping back in my seat, I let out a long puff of air that flutters my hair. “I’m here, Mom… I didn’t mean to zone out on you like that.”

She hums down the line. “You’ve been zoning out on me for years, my love. I just hope that whatever place your mind goes to when you do, it’s not terrible every single time.”

Glancing back up to the photograph of Jason and me on the wall, I swallow hard. “Do you ever think I’ll be happy, Mom?”

She gasps, sniffling like my words have shocked and hurt her. “Alex… honey, why don’t you come home for a while? If the club is too much to handle, youalwayshave a place here.”

Tensing, I grimace. “Mom, I love you and Dad. You know I do. But home… there’s just so many memories there. Of Jason… of Bea…” I trail off, and Mom weakly chuckles.

“That’s why you hardly stop by these days.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to—”

“It’s just that it’s too hard,” she answers for me.

Shifting my gaze to the door, the thumping of the music continues to blare while my brotherhood is out there having the time of their lives. Celebrating the glorious win we had today. I find myself wondering what Bea is doing. “The club had a win today… they’re out there celebrating, and Bea is there with them.But I’m here, in my tech den, moping about on a phone call to my mother.”

Mom bursts out laughing. “Alex, I know the den is your safe haven. You go in there to hide when everything gets on top of you. It’s where you can embrace your emotions, away from everyone’s gaze. But I think you’re in there hiding because Bea is out there. Becauseyoudon’t know how to face her after all this time.”

“It’s fucking hard, Mom… I still can’t forget the factsheleft. After everything,she fucking left!”

Mom inhales sharply. “Just remember, Alex, there’s alwaystwo sidesto every story, and from what you’ve told me, you haven’ttrulyheard her side. You’ve only assumed to know. I understand when you were younger, you were hiding your relationship from Theo. I see where the complication lies there. But honey, you and Bea… you two were inseparable. I always knew you were together. I always thought your love would be unbreakable. It was sweet watching your romance bloom, but when Jason got sick, everything started falling apart…” She takes a deep breath. “It’s no one’s fault. Life throws us some shitty cards sometimes.”

Rubbing the back of my neck, I huff. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”

“I’m trying to get you off your moping ass and go out into the clubhouse and have some fun. You’ve gotten into your own head. Are you still taking your meds?”

I slide open the drawer, pull out the prescription bottle, pop the lid, and drop a tablet into my palm. “Yeah, Mom… I’m still taking my meds,” I reply, then throw the tablet in my mouth, pick up my water bottle, and drink down my antidepressant.

She exhales in relief. “Good… I’m glad. I know you never liked the idea of being diagnosed with clinical depression, Alex, but you went through so much. It’s not a weakness for you to havedifficulty regulating your emotions.”

Popping the lid back on the pill bottle, I stare at it with disdain. I take the pills because they do help. They make me numb to it all. But with Bea coming back on the scene, it’s making everything… heightened. It’s making the memories hit more frequently. I’ve been dealing with this for thirteen years. Living with this the best way I know how.

A life without Jason.

A life without Bea.

Now Bea has come back, and everything has been thrown into a whirlwind, knocking me off my feet.

I was happy once.

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