Page 32 of Lightness In My Dark

WREN

Lindsey frowned while listening to me talk about Finn. Either she took offense at the fact I didn’t like him, or it came from disappointment. She stayed silent for a while, mixing the gravy, basting the turkey to make sure everything was ready at once. I decided it was best not to engage further on my feelings toward Finn.

The kitchen island had a curve and a sink in the middle of it. I sat with my back to a cabinet wall and the hallway, facing the kitchen. There was a large window above the kitchen sink, letting in the afternoon sunlight. Lindsey moved from stove to oven to island.

In a kind manner, Lindsey said, “I’ve known Finn a good five-years now, and he’s always been courteous to me.” She glanced at me when she said, “I’m not saying you’re lying about how he treats you. Finn has a temper, but he has done nothing bad to me.” She returned to her tasks. “I can understand how he might come across. Finn is an alpha male. He has an overbearing, possessive personality, yet he’s got the biggest heart I’ve ever seen.”

Lindsey wiped her hands off on a towel, moved to my side of the island, and took my hands in hers. “Finn’s lifestyle might differ from yours, but he’s had some tough times.”

My eyebrows crinkled. “What kind of tough times?”

She tilted her head and said, “I think Finn should be the one to tell you if or when the time is right. It’s not my place.”

I put the carrots in a bowl as Lindsey walked to the other side.

“Wren, I’m not telling you how you should feel, because no one should. All I can say is Finn struggles with emotions. He understands anger, and loves, loves his family. Cole and Carter mean everything to him. It’s the romantic, intimate relationship Finn can’t cope with.”

My wine glass sat for a while before I took a sip. “What do you mean, he can’t cope?”

Lindsey leaned toward the hallway to make sure no one was there. “I mean, he’s never been in a romantic relationship.”

I choked on my wine. She came around and patted my back, handing me a glass of water.

Once I pulled myself together, I asked, “He’s never been in a romantic relationship? What about all the women?”

“Oh, there are women, except he’s dated none of them or had a relationship.” She cleared her throat. “This might sound bad, but I’m going to say it anyway. Finn sleeps with women… well, it’s more like he fucks them and that’s it. He doesn’t take them out to dinner or anything along those lines. If he needs someone for a special occasion, he’ll take them, fuck them, and he’s done. I must clarify. The women know that’s all they’re getting from him. Finn is open about it and doesn’t mislead them. But romantic feelings… he’s a lost puppy. He does not understand what to do about these feelings. They’re foreign to him. And when Finn isn’t in control of something, he lashes out, which is my guess with what he’s doing to you.”

My eyes widened at this admission. “Why would he lash out at me for being out of control?”

Lindsey laughed at my comment. “Because I’m guessing he’s attracted to you in more ways than one.” She winked.

I let out a loud hoot. “Lindsey! There is no way.”

“Yes way! I see the way he checks you out, Wren. Full of intrigue. And then when you walk into a room looking like you do… Finn tries to hide it by looking away. Something he can’t quite grasp is going on inside him, and he’s in turmoil over it.”

I shook my head at everything she said.

She took the turkey out to let it stand. Then she analyzed me before speaking again. “All I’m saying is not everything is clear cut. You obviously know little about him and vice versa. Maybe look at him with a different mindset? Finn is a wonderful person. He’s generous with his time and money. He’d do anything for the people he loves, and I mean anything. Finn would die for them. A man who would do that can’t be that horrible, could he?”

I took in everything Lindsey said and questioned everything I thought about Finn. I hadn’t given him a chance. He lost his parents, which I’m sure affected him emotionally. Lindsey called everyone to the dinner table.

My thoughts and focus kept drifting to Finn. He was quiet through dinner and avoided eye contact with me. Cole and Carter told stories, Finn glancing down at his plate, smiling every so often at what they were talking about. Something was wrong with him. I’d never find out what. I’m not someone he would confide in. He was a secret—a facade, restricting parts of him.

Chapter 13 – Spirit of the Holidays

WREN

Finn’s phone balanced against his coffee cup as he read or browsed on it. I made a tea for myself and glanced over at him while he remained undisturbed by my presence. If he never spoke, his appearance would enamor anyone. The man was striking and made everything sexy. His laser words turned his sexiness into ugly. Then he’d do something sweet, and the ugliness melted like ice cream on a summer’s day.

For breakfast, I took out some Greek yogurt and added a teaspoon of honey. Once I sat down, Finn acknowledged me, of course, without taking his eyes off the phone.

“I’d like you to arrange a Christmas cocktail party for the CEO and board.” He swiped at his phone. “It will be around thirty people. Aim for the Saturday before Christmas.” I sat looking at him and he turned to me. “Can you do it, or should I find someone else?”

He said it with such a bored tone that I didn’t know how to react other than to say yes.

“Good. I’m working from home today. There’s a company coming today or tomorrow to put up the Christmas decorations and tree.”

Finn rose to leave, so I asked, “Finn?” He stopped with his back to me. “Would it be all right if I go shopping for some Christmas decorations to put up myself?” Without argument, he nodded. “Oh, and one more thing. I celebrate New Year’s Day with my friends. Would you like to join us this year?”

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