Page 33 of Lightness In My Dark

His stoic face, monotone voice, and mannerism said it all. “No thanks. I’ll be hanging with my friends.” With that, he left me staring after him.

Christmas, my favorite holiday of the year, and I couldn’t wait to get into the stores to gobble up decorations and gifts. Finn gave me a credit card with my name on it. I called Natalie and Madison to see if they wanted to join me, so we met at a large mall between our homes. Décor filled the inside of stores and the mall. Pictures with Santa were on the main floor. A blowup snow globe in the middle of the mall. All three of us wore smiles the entire time shopping. Madison found the best deals, which was why my arms hung with bags of merchandise.

Colored and white lights twinkled through the stores. Jingles and mechanical toys sounded off in the distance and we heard Santa’s Ho Ho Hos. Children ran around, cried for toys, and screamed when they saw Santa and his elves. The atmosphere was pure joy. It got us into a festive mood.

Time with Nat and Maddie drained the stress. They were like a defibrillator, restoring my heart to happiness. Laughs were a given when with Nat. She had a way of lightening any mood.

We had lunch, shopped more, and then parted ways. When I walked into the house, the company had already arrived. Finn hid away in his office. I greeted them and noticed they were setting up the tree by the French doors.

I dropped my bags, ran over to the workers, and asked, “Oh, could you please move it into the living room?” I showed them the location by the window.

Finn must have heard my voice because he came out as they carried the tree into the other room.

Hands on his waist, he said, “Wren, I wanted the tree there for the cocktail party.”

I clasped my hands together as if pleading, and asked, “Please, Finn? The living room is so much nicer for opening presents Christmas morning.”

He dropped his arms in defeat. “Fine. Then I’ll get another one for the French doors.”

“I’d hate for you to spend money on another tree.”

Finn noticed the bags by the door, letting out a sarcastic laugh. “It seems like it didn’t bother you to spend money on yourself.”

I gathered the bags in my arms. “They’re not for me. There are some Christmas decorations and gifts. I watched what I bought. My friend Madison is good at finding deals, so I bought a lot of things marked down.”

He looked at me as if I was an alien. “Whatever.”

“Do you want the credit card?”

Finn started back to his office as he said, “No, keep it. Have the company order another tree.”

Elated with all my findings, I hauled the decorations out of the bags, adding touches to the kitchen, living room, and my bedroom. For my room’s window seat, I bought a tabletop Christmas tree that had a red cloth bag base and a bow tie around the bottom, mini-lights, and white tipped cones. It came with a remote for it to either turn and/or play music or remain still. Plugged in, the colors reflected off the window as I sat on my bed to test the different music choices. I let the lights fade in and out, leaned on my headboard, and sighed. I had a good day even though Finn still had been distant since yesterday.

Something happened for him to be quiet around his family. On a normal day, his larger-than-life personality sucked the air out of the room. I wondered what Lindsey meant by Finn having tough times. What happened to him? He has money and enjoys it. As I thought about it, he didn’t spend money frivolously. He could have a lot more staff working for him. Those he did have praised him for his generosity. What difficult times did Finn stumble into?

I let my mind rest with a day of reading. Finn had given Chef Dan the weekend off, so I went to raid the kitchen in the evening. Finn came in to warm up some food for himself. We prepared our meals in silence.

He broke the awkwardness. “We’re going out with my friends tomorrow. Casual.” I let out a loud groan. Finn stopped what he was doing and asked, “Is there a problem?” I shook my head. He took his meal to the living room while I ate at the kitchen table. The glitter and sparkles of the Christmas decorations lifted my spirits, preventing the tentacles of anxiety to wrap around my body.

In my room, I admired the Christmas tree as I reflected on the last meetup with his friends. They were the bane of my existence, especially Amanda. Everything about her screamed bitch, and she made me uncomfortable. She bragged about being with Finn sexually. It bothered me... knowing she was with him. That his sexual conquests entailed many women. Jealousy nudged at my soul. I didn’t know why it bothered me. His cruelty toward me never faltered. We had a faux pas marriage, and he didn’t belong to me.

Lindsey’s words invaded my thoughts regarding Finn. No romantic relationships. Did he never go on a date? Is he attracted to me? I mean, I shouldn’t care because he’s a tyrant… but he protected me in front of his friends. He let me hold his hand as they accused me of cheating. Finn let me choose a movie, and it’s no secret a remote was a man’s security blanket. His sweet touches kept tipping the scale back in his favor. Gorgeous. And the man had a heart when he let it show.

The women bothered me. Even though an emotional attachment lacked on his part, the idea many had touched, tasted, and felt his body inside theirs was hard to accept. A silly thing to worry about when in a contractual relationship.

It’s not like I’m going to have sex with him… other than on our wedding day. The idea shouldn’t bother me. I shouldn’t care.

But I cared. I fought with the feelings that crept up from time to time for Finn. He infuriated me, yet he took my breath away. When he looked at me through tousled hair, a playful smile displaying his dimple, I had to grip my legs together. My breathing elevated when he came close to me. I could drown in his Patchouli, Sandalwood manly scent, mixed with a hint of bourbon and leather. I buried myself deeper into the covers, fingers trailing my underwear, then I closed my eyes, picturing myself with Finn.

Chapter 14 – Full of Surprises

FINN

As usual, I waited in the foyer for Wren. I took an oxycodone to prepare myself for the evening’s battle. I despised the encumbering heavy night. Between my friends’ attitudes toward her, and her dislike of them, I wasn’t sure how much intervening I’d have to do. My friends didn’t care for anyone new in the circle, but that was too bad. I had a fiancé. They either accepted her or the dynamics in the group would change. Wren also had to open herself more. She made it known from the moment she met them she didn’t want to be there. All the fucking drama for a three-year marriage.

I didn’t notice Wren’s appearance as I headed outside. We grew accustomed to silent car rides with music playing in the background. When we arrived, a line traveled halfway down the block to get into the bar. I pulled up and got out, jerked my head toward the valet as I tossed him my keys, and extended my hand to Wren. She grasped it as if hanging on for dear life. I led her into the bar toward my friends’ tables, situated to the side of a large stage.

My friends hollered to us, a round of drinks displayed in front of them. Wren sat close to me. They murmured hellos to her. Julius slid glasses toward us and filled them from the pitcher of beer.

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