Hattie laughs on the other end. “Come on! Just tell me, once and for all, because we’re both adults now. Have you and Tuckerhad sex?”
I swallow, my mouth drying out every second that I consider how I’m going to say this. I know what I’m going to say, I just don’t know how it’ll come out.
“No,” I try.
She laughs again. “You liar!”
“Let it go,Harriet,” I fight. I drop my voice, “The only thing that ever existed between us was an unfortunate mutual attraction.”
“Unfortunate?”
I say, “Yeah, because I didn’t want to find him attractive and I’m sure he didn’t want to feel that way about me, but that’s just how the chips fell. Okay? So, there it is.”
In his early years of puberty, Elijah Tucker ogled anyone with a vagina. I just happened to be the teenage girl who grew up with him. For all Hattie knows, the two of us were platonic friends, nothing more, andthat’sthe story I want printed in the history books.
She asks, “So, how many times did you guys do it?”
Distractedly, I begin, “It was just -”
“Ah!” She suddenly screams. “Lalalala, I don’t want to know, I’m sorry I asked, I don’t want to picture you two!”
“Stop tricking me into saying things I shouldn’t say!” I hiss into the receiver.
The man beside me huffs loudly and stands, viewing me with annoyed yet interested eyes. I notice others doing the same.
I cover my mouth and tell my sister, “Hey, I’m gonna go, I think we’re boarding soon.”
“Okay. And don’t worry, I’ll take your deep, dark,unfortunatesecret with me to the grave.”
“There’s nothing to take anywhere because I haven’t told youanything.” A little bit of panic rattles in my chest. “Hattie, I swear, do not say anything to anyone, please.”
She admits, “Honestly, everyone already suspects it. There’s nothing for me to tell even if you had given me sordid details. Not that I want them. Anyway, text me when you get off the plane.”
I set my phone on my lap and sip my coffee, listening as another message is relayed that we will board shortly.
Everyone suspects it?
Of course, they do. Normal families would never assume two friendly acquaintances would be secretly banging in the back room on a summer vacation, but apparently it’s an everyday conversation in my household.
Other passengers begin to stand, but I’m in no rush to get on the plane. I’m not one of those people who stands by the doors to wait in unnecessary lines. I pull up my American Airlines app and check my boarding group.
Johnny bought my ticket. He said I shouldn’t lift a finger or credit card for my birthday weekend, seeing as he makes ungodly amounts of money doing some work involving computers. He also felt bad about missing a Nutcracker performance.
He’s seen me perform every single year since I was Clara in the Pine Place Dance Academy’s 2006 Nutcracker. When I started professionally with the Alabama Ballet, he never missed a show. Since I’ve been with Atlanta Ballet, he’s never missed a show. This year, being in California and wooing a new woman, he couldn’t find the time and I never expected him to. Some years it’s brutal for me to hear the music I know by heart and perform the same choreography for the sixth consecutive year, I can’t imagine he enjoys watching it. But that’s Johnny.
He’s the one who shows up. The shirt off his back, the money in his wallet, the time he can scrounge up - he’ll give anything to his friends. Once he finds something comfortable, be it a friendship or a routine or a brand of hot sauce, he won’t giveit up.
He still has a MySpace account. Two years ago, I found a stockpile of his favorite childhood applesauce in his pantry because he said it was out of production. When I discovered a ten-year-oldGreen Dayconcert stub in his wallet, I knew he’d never feel anything romantic for me because Johnny doesn’t like change. Once he placed me in the friend box, there I would remain for all eternity.
As it happens, I’ve never once had a sexual thought about him either. We just didn’t bloom that way, like a dough that doesn’t rise or a car that just won’t start. All the components are there - he’s attractive, I’ve been known to turn a head - but we never ventured down that path, nor did we want to.
Serena was the first one to point out the uniqueness of “the trio,” as she called it. Me, Johnny, Tucker.
First half of freshman year, I came down from UNCSA to Clemson for the weekend and stayed in Johnny’s dorm. He and Serena had already started dating. She asked me, “Why don’t you stay with Tuck?”
I remember being appalled by the idea. “Never. Tucker and I are not friends.”
“But the three of you are best friends.”