Page 104 of Old Acquaintances

She moves her legs and sits up. “About how you feel.”

My hands rifle through my hair. She can’t be asking me this. She can’t know. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“How you feel about moving to San Francisco.”

“Oh.” My arms fall. Serena gives me a sad sort of expression, as if she also thought I was being asked a different question. “Um…I’m excited,” I try. “A little nervous.”

Wyatt jumps in, “Surf trip!” He throws his hands up. “This summer, we can all pitch in to help Ella move and we can do whatever wedding stuff these two have planned. Get our sun and surf on. California here we come!”

Tucker lets out a soft laugh. “I don’t know if I can make that, man.”

“No,” I snap. “I don’t think he can.”

His eyes meet mine. “Not because I wouldn’t want to help you, but I’ve got a busy summer.”

“Of course,” I mutter. “I know how much you likehelping me.”

“I do, Ella.” His voice is soft, patient.

Mine, not so much. “You could help me right off a cliff, couldn’t you?” I drag my eyes from him. Frustration starts to gnaw at me. It cannot be ignored, and I want to put some boundaries up before I lose myself in the whirlpool of my feelings.

With attempted strength, I say, “Guys, the truth is that Tucker and I aren’t going to see each other anymore after this trip. It’s not just working out for me. This is the last time we willall be together.”

A fish splashes by the dock. It’s the only sound. My body rumbles, my jittery muscles feel that they must be making some noise, like an angry jackhammer, but everyone is silent.

Wyatt speaks up first, “Well, that sucks.”

“Are you sure?” Serena says with an upward inflection as if I may be making a premature statement.

“Yes,” I say definitively.

Ritchie asks, “Why can’t you figure this out? It seems like you two have been fine these last two days.”

Wyatt adds, “He had his tongue down your throat last night and you seemed okay with that!” He bumps his elbow on Tucker’s arm. “What do you have to say?”

“It’s what Ella wants,” Tucker replies, his voice strained. “She calls the shots.”

Don’t cry.I don’t want to make this a pity Ella moment, I want it to be a final nail in the coffin. No more bathroom blubbering. No more thinking of how badly I want Tucker to love me back. I can’t be in his ambivalent presence. That doesn’t work for me.

“It’ll be fine.” I’m half-afraid I’ll burn a hole through this table with my eyes. “We made it work for seven years, we can do it for seventy more.”

Tucker spits, “You think you’re going to live to be one hundred?”

“Once I cut out the dead weight,yeah, I think I might,” I growl back.

He sucks me in with a look.Why are you doing this?he asks.

No expression can adequately explain why I can’t be in the same room with him again.

Johnny leans forward. “Ella, I told you, no moretwo Christmases, okay? This argument between you guys ends now.Just get over it! Move on.”

“I have,” Tucker places.

Screw me setting things on fire, it’s him who lights the first torch. His words burn and echo inside me.

“It’s me,” I mumble. “I can’t get over it. I can’t forgive him. I can’t just move on.” I suggest, “I’ll step back if that’s easier. You guys are the ones who are all friends.

“Come on, you’re our friend,” Serena reasons.

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