Page 18 of Peaceful Chaos

Moving Forward

Sin

The next fewdays are tense in the house. Everyone, except for Raven, is trying to stay out of my way, to the point where they walk out of the room when I enter it. I know they're trying to make this situation easier on me, but it fucking pisses me off even more. I'm not made of glass, but they're all treating me like I'm going to shatter at any second.

Locked in this house under these conditions is making me even more stir crazy than I was when we were all first forced to cohabitate. Holbrook still hasn't worked out the logistics of us going back to school, and he's gone as far as putting cameras in the back to discourage us from leaving the house like Raven and I did the other day. Not that we can’t break out, but he's pissed enough at me already.

Waiting for others to fix this mess is getting old. I’m done waiting for my mother to get back to me about my uncle. I grab my phone and call Carina again.

I shove past the pleasantries when she answers. "Have you gotten a hold of your brother yet?"

"I just heard from him last night. I wasn't sure if you were up yet to call you. Javier is willing to meet with you."

I exhale tension I wasn't aware I was holding in. "Did you manage to hide my accounts?"

"My brother helped with that as well. He set up a shell company. I didn't understand all the details, but he knows what he's doing."

"Thank you," I mumble. It's the only crack in my armor I reveal to her, but it's enough. I hear a quiet sob over the line. We both ignore it.

She doesn't beg me to move in with them again, and I don't try to say something to shock her. It's progress. I talk to her for a few more minutes and end the call. It's a tentative peace, but for the first time I believe I'll be able to have my mother in my life.

Lucien walks into the living room and doesn't leave the moment he sees me in the kitchen.

"You aren't avoiding me anymore?" I ask him.

He shoves his hand through his hair. "I wasn't avoiding you."

I level a glare in his direction. "You walk out every time I come into a room. What would you call it?"

"Look at me," he snaps, holding his arms out wide. "I know what I see every time I look in the mirror. Every fucking day I see that bastard’s face staring back at me. I'm the only person in this house who has a clue what kind of horrors you've lived through, and even for me my reflection brings up bad memories."

I shake my head. "Not the only person who knows."

He sits down at the breakfast island. "Well shit. You've told Raven?"

I nod.

“Everything?” he presses.

Another nod.

He exhales. “Why? Weren’t you afraid of how she’d react?”

“Of course I was, but—” I try to force myself to explain how not telling Raven made me feel like I was drowning on dry land because I couldn’t know if she would stay. And I try to describe how telling her made me feel like I could breathe a full breath for the first time in my life. I want to tell him all of it, but Lucien and I don't do feelings.

"You told her, but I've seen it." He pounds his chest to emphasize his point. "I was the one who stitched you up after that fucker stabbed you. I was the one who put a gun in your hand time and time again and made sure you pulled the trigger. All because my father demanded it of me. I never tried to save you."

He starts to rise from the table, but I make him stop. "Lucien, I don't see Damien when I look at you, and I don't blame you for all the people I was forced to kill. And, for the record, if you hadn't stitched me up I would have bled out."

He looks up at me and shakes his head. "I didn't try to save you in the ways it mattered. I never tried to do anything to get us out of that place until the night my sister was at risk. Even then you'd already had it all figured out. It was you who saved us, Sin, and I don't know what to do with all this guilt."

"Carina came through. We've got a meeting with Javier Perez, and he buried my money in shell companies," I say, giving us the change of subject we need.

His fingers tap on the marble countertop. "Should I call the realtor?" He's good at shoving strong feelings aside. We both are, but I know someday soon this is a habit we're going to have to change.

I hold a mug out in his direction, and he nods. I busy myself making us each a cup of coffee. "Yeah, we need to get the fuck out of this house."

"No one is going anywhere," Holbrook snaps. Neither of us heard him let himself in through the back door. Lucien and I exchange a look. It says, "We're slipping up." We can't afford to relax when there's a target on our backs, and no trust for the person who should be watching them.

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