Page 15 of Peaceful Chaos

To Have and To Hold

Raven

Sin walksdown the hallway and stops before he enters the living room. I watch as a blankness comes over his face and he gets locked inside of his head. The eerily realistic sound of gunfire blasts out of the surround sound speakers. Sin flinches and covers his face from something only he can see.

I rush around the counter to the living room and yank the plug from the socket. Ted throws his controller down on the coffee table. "What the hell, Raven! I was winning."

Lucien looks over at us, then over at Sin. His brows pull together and he stands suddenly. He grabs my elbow and keeps me from going to Sin.

"Luce, what are you doing? He needs me," I argue, trying to wrench my arm out of his grasp.

My brother leans down and speaks close to my ear. "Don't touch him right now, Raven. I've seen him like this before, but it's been years. If you touch him, he might hurt you. When he gets like this he's going to fight to survive."

Brett comes up behind me. I never even heard him come in. He takes me from Lucien and guides me back to the kitchen. "Stay here. I'm going to try and help him."

"Sin," he says calmly. His steps are slow as he moves toward Sin. "You're having a flashback. Can you focus on your surroundings?"

"The basement," Sin whispers. His voice is flat, sounds younger.

"Look again, Jackson," Brett says in the same gentle tone.

Sin looks around, but there's a blankness in his gaze. He doesn't reply, and I fear he's still seeing a nightmare from his past.

"Sin, I need you to try and focus. Whatever you're seeing right now is in the past. I need you to focus on right now. Tell me what colors do you see?"

"Gray," Sin says.

"Find more," Brett urges.

When Sin looks around the room, I'm still not sure if he's seeing our house or still seeing the basement of his nightmare. "White," he starts. "Black," he continues in a voice that sounds stronger than a few moments ago. Finally, his eyes land on mine. "Blue," he says, sounding more like himself.

He starts to shake, and I can't stand back any longer. I rush back into the living room and wrap my arms around him. I feel him coming apart in my arms, and I know he won't want witnesses to see him vulnerable, even if they are our friends.

"Come with me," I whisper and take his hand. I lead him back to our room and shut the door behind us.

He still has a haunted look in his eyes, and slight trembles continue to rack his body. "I don't want you to see me like this," he says, staring down at his shoes.

I put my finger under his chin and tip his face back up to mine. "We're married. I'm here for you through good times and bad. Talk to me."

His hand rubs across his side. "There's dark shit in my head, princess. Shit I don't ever want to darken your soul like it has mine. My job is to protect you."

"Bullshit. You might call me princess, but I'm not some weak damsel in distress waiting for you to save me. We fight for each other. Lean on me," I urge him.

Sin doesn't speak, but I can see the battle going on inside him. He's fighting his memories and the urge to tell me about them.

"You don't have to tell me what you saw, but at least tell me what you need," I beg him.

"Make me forget."

To others it may seem like a step backward to let my husband use my body to chase away his ghosts, but they aren't here right now. They don't see a man trying to claw his way out of hell in any way he can. I promised to fight for him, with him, and I'd burn the world down to give him peace.

I pull my shirt over my head and let it fall to the floor. The button on my jeans comes next, but I remember it was only this morning I got my period and stop with my hand on the zipper.

He sees me hesitate and steps back. "You're right. I shouldn't ask this of you."

"That's not it," I say, catching his arm before he gets too far away. "I, it's just—" I feel the heat creep into my face, and I know I'm probably blushing bright red.

Sin steps back to me and brushes his thumb across my cheek. His smirk peeks out, and I see a small part of him coming back. "Why are you embarrassed?"

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