Page 69 of Peaceful Chaos

"Don't just sit there. Fill us in. Was it her?"

I drop back against the leather seat and nod. "Yeah."

His blue eyes harden, and I know he's imagining all the things she's likely gone back and told his father. "Well, how did she react when she saw you?"

"She didn't see me. Your sister has a plan," I say and try to force my fists not to clench.

Lucien shifts his gaze over to his sister. The anxiety he's feeling is broadcast in the way his brow furrows and tiny lines crinkle by his eyes. "I'm not going to like this am I, little bird?"

Raven chews on her bottom lip, and without thinking I reach over and pull it free with my thumb. Forgetting we're in a car full of our friends and her brother, I stroke the soft skin there. Her lips are full and I can imagine much better things to be doing with them than watching her abuse them with her teeth.

Despite the fact Lucien asked her a question, she looks up at me and our eyes hold. "I invited her to go out for girls' night."

The thrum of desire building up inside of me dies out instantly. "No fucking way!" I explode.

I don't miss the stubborn tilt of her chin or the way her blue eyes cool and resemble chips of ice at my outburst. "We need to flush Damien out, and this stands a chance of doing that."

"Not by making you fucking bait!" I'm shouting, and I can't stop myself. She's still got bruises from being tossed around by a god damn bomb, and she wants to go hang out at a bar waiting for her psycho sperm donor to make an appearance?

"He won't even be the one to come there. The only ones you are going to force from hiding are his soldiers," I say a bit more calmly, trying to make her see reason.

"Then we take them out, after we get information from them," she persists.

"Are you going to torture them, princess?" I laugh, but it's a hollow sound. "No, you won't. It'll be me stripping the flesh from their bodies. Me breaking bones and drawing blood. But, why not, right? I'm already a monster, so who cares if I bathe in more blood?"

"Sin," she sighs. Her hand reaches out to cup the side of my face, but I can't feel it. I can't feel anything except the pounding of my heart and the hum of electricity running through my blood, because I want those things. I want to tear through those men and celebrate their deaths, but I wish I didn't. I'm every bit the monster her father turned me into, and I hate myself for what I've become.

Ted clears his throat and I look at him. I'm still taken aback every time he transforms from harmless Teddy Reese into Theodore O'Brian. He's yet another example of danger lurking in our midst that I failed to detect. I'm just glad this beast is on our side.

"You aren't going to do any of that. I've got a particular skill set, and unlike you, I don't feel the guilt. We'll take the guys out as needed, and I know the perfect place for this night out to take place."

* * *

From the momentwe go inside our apartment Raven watches me like she's expecting me to start yelling. "You've been really quiet since I told everyone my plan."

I drop my bag down by the door and take hers from her. She's been insisting on carrying her own books, and her independent streak is something I love about her, but I wish she understood my need to take care of her.

"What do you want me to say?" I don't want to argue with her. It seems whenever the topic of her safety comes up though, that's all we do. My mind is spinning with all the possible ways she could get hurt, get taken from me. But I know if I start talking, I'll dig a hole and bury myself.

"I don't know, Sin. Say something, anything."

My insides are twisting and the blackness that lives inside me is swirling up to strangle me. I can’t face her like this, because this might be the moment she sees me for who I am. It takes effort to keep my worst instincts at bay. For her I'll wrestle my monster, but fighting against my true nature is wearing me down.

The truth is I'm not a good man. Maybe I could have been, had I grown up with Carina and Arthur like I was supposed to, but I've lived for too long in the shadows. That darkness follows me casting a pall on everything around me. Eventually she'll see it and run. It's my biggest fear. While I know she’d be better off with a man who deserves her, I would never recover.

Raven’s fingers tangle in the material of my shirt, and she tries to coax me to face her.

Adrenaline floods my system, and I jerk free of her hold. "Don't," I snap.

She sucks in a breath, but I hold fast. If I look at her I’ll crumble, but I owe her one more chance to change her mind.

"So that's it? I do something you don't like and you're going to punish me? Do you really expect me to live my life locked inside a cage?"

"At least you'd be safe there,” I mumble under my breath. Not quiet enough to keep her from hearing me though.

"Safe isn't living! I want to live. I've already spent enough of my life hiding away."

Hiding isn’t the right word for the life she’s led. She was hidden, stored like one would a treasure. For Damien, his daughter’s innocence was yet another item to barter for more power. For me she’s the greatest treasure. In fact, she’s my everything.

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